Fuck resolutions! Here are a few things we actually plan to do in '10.
I'm going to be perfectly honest: there is no holiday I hate more than New Year's Eve. Not St. Paddy's Day or Slutoween, or even Valentine's Day. New Year's seems to be the one holiday calculated to piss me off. There is the pressure of high expectations, the whole kiss-at-midnight bit, the tacky glasses, and the fact that the high point of the night occurs when I'm usually just getting ready to go out the door (although I do like any excuse to drink champagne). But there is nothing more loathsome than the barrage of impossible resolutions.
And according to a new study out of University of Hertfordshire, resolutions may actually hurt you more than they help. Out of the 700 students surveyed, only 22% managed to keep their resolutions. The other 78%, those that "failed," were naturally left unhappy with the whole enterprise. "If you do it on the spur of the moment, it probably doesn't mean that much to you and you won't give it your all. Failing to achieve your ambitions is often psychologically harmful because it can rob people of a sense of self control," explained psychologist Richard Wiseman. So this year, instead of "resolving" to lose 10 lbs, run a marathon, and learn how to cook French food, we're going to try to do a couple of things. Before you call us a bunch of hypocrites, I would like to point out that these aren't resolutions per se, since we haven't actually resolved to do anything, except make a (slight) effort. Plus, these things are totally doable, which cuts down on the disappointment factor. In no particular order, things we might do in 2010:
Start Eating At A Table (And Not The Computer)
I know it is my own fault I have to hit the "k" on my keyboard four or five times before it will type, but I still eat at my laptop constantly. In 2010, I will make a sincere effort to do this less, or at least, to have less soupy, spill-able meals.
Drink More Adult Drinks
Dodai plans to start ordering whiskey and bourbon, and other such "grown-up" drinks.
Get A Driver's License
Sadie prefaces this with "same as always," but maybe 2010 is the year! And if not, this can be a goal for the decade.
Take Better Care Of Our Clothing
Anna N. writes that she will "Get some decent pants-hangers so my pants actually stay hung and don't just crumple into a sad pants-pile on my closet floor." I've also decided maybe it is time to start dry cleaning things that very clearly warn "dry clean only."
Delete Old Boyfriend's Numbers (Or Any Unused Contacts)
Dodai suggested that we make 2010 the year we let go of the ex's number. And while you're at it, it might be a good time to remove all those people you met and saved under names like "Blond Pizza Guy."
Purge Our Vocabulary Of Useless Words And Dead Memes
Anna N. is already leading this movement with her posts on douchebag and offended, but I'm thinking more along the lines of LOLCat speak (only when spoken aloud - online is still fair game), "totes," and my personal worst, "you know?"