In response to Flavorwire's helpful taxonomy of people by favorite indie band, we've come up with an extremely scientific system categorizing people by the magazines they read. Find yourself, after the jump.

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Flavorwire's list is itself a response to a list categorizing readers by favorite author ("Thomas Aquinas: Premature ejaculators"), and it includes both gems and headscratchers. Bon Iver fans, for instance, are "People with self-esteem issues and probably hate Ben Gibbard." Do I have self-esteem issues? Don't we all! But who the fuck is Ben Gibbard? But fear not, all such confusions are ironed out in our 100% accurate Magazine Reader Categorization Scheme. Enjoy.

Vogue
People who use the names of seasons as verbs.

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Glamour
Women who, if they were men, would claim to read Playboy for the articles.

Playboy
Men who, if they were women, would read Marie Claire.

Marie Claire
Women who host "Girls' Nights."

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Elle
Snobs who lost money in the financial crisis.

Lucky
Heiresses who sometimes shop at Target.

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Cosmo
Men with very sensitive taints, and the women who love them.

Allure
Boring people.

The New Yorker
People who laugh at things that aren't funny.

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The Economist
Libertarians.

Time
People waiting to get a colonoscopy.

Newsweek
Sarah Palin.

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Maxim
Thirteen-year-olds.

Men's Health
Assholes.

Cat Fancy
Horny cats.

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Stereotyping People By Their Favorite Indie Bands [Flavorwire]
Readers By Author [Lauren Leto]