Yesterday, Irin compiled a list of the most overused romantic comedy cliches of the decade. And wouldn't you know it? It looks like we're going to kick off 2010 with a film that includes almost every single one of them.
Let's start with the actual trailer. It's filled with "sassy" moments and is backed by The Black Eyed Peas' "I Got A Feeling." Yes, really. I know. I know! Let's break this madness down, bit by bit, and sans Fergie, shall we?
We start with a shot of the city. You'll notice that there are a few shots of water fountains spurting into the sky. Very subtle imagery and such.
We are then introduced to the all-star cast, which is the selling point for this seemingly paint-by-numbers film. It's reminiscent of the trailer for He's Just Not That Into You, another star-studded romcom turd.
In a very Love, Actually sort of way, the film revolves around the Valentine's Day adventures (or lack thereof) of several people. And the movie doesn't take Valentine's Day lightly—it looks as though there's more pink and red in the sets and wardrobe of this film than there is in Mariah Carey's Hello Kitty-themed bathroom.
Here, we see that Topher Grace totally forgot about Valentine's Day, much to his chagrin. This expression is actually the expression I had on my face during the entire time I was watching the trailer, by the way.
And here, we see that Jamie Foxx is not that into comforting a sobbing Jessica Biel.
In Irin's thread yesterday, a commenter mentioned that she was also tired of the "Sassy Grandma" cliche, wherein an older woman is brought in to "shock" the audience by talking about sex. Older women can't talk about sex! That's crazy! Everyone knows that sex talk is strictly reserved for college sophomores.
There's a marching band scene in the film, as well, which seems specifically set up just to include a cameo by...
Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner. Hey! Young people! This is a film for you, too! And you, too, 45-year-old women with crushes on a 17-year-old werewolf! Come on down!
Alas, millions of Team Jacob-related Valentine's dreams will also be shattered for several members of the audience when Taylor and Taylor make out on screen.
Innuendo fountain alert!
"Are you a mother? This film is also for you!"
"Hi, I'm Jessica Alba. I'll be playing the sweetheart who can't wait to get married. I'm biting my lip because that shows how cute and innocent I am."
"Hi, I'm Kathy Bates. I've been brought in to provide some kooky wisdom to the young people in love."
"My name is Jessica Biel, and I'm the emotional basketcase of the film! LOVE IS HARD, Y'ALL!"
"I'm pretty sure I'm going to realize that this woman I've known for 20 years is actually the love of my life."
"Love is for suckers. I just want to fuck somebody, man. I'll probably temporarily ruin a relationship or throw a wrench in some sucker's Valentine's Day plans."
"I'll be playing the smug douchebag who gets his comeuppance and learns a lesson about love."
"I'm older and very patient, because I've lived enough to really understand love. I plan on sharing my wisdom with the kids while gently shaking my head at their mistakes."
"I just really hope I get a chance to show that I'm a musician in this film."
"And I do! Dreams really do come true!"
"I've played this role at least twice already, but I'm super likable and nobody seems to care."
"I'm still not sure what the hell is going on here, but I think I'll figure it out by the time the movie ends. That's called 'emotional growth.'"
"I am wise in the ways of love, and I'm just waiting for my dumbass boyfriend, Topher Grace, to catch up."
"I usually sell cameras, but this time, I'm selling flowers!"
"I am a woman of color in a romantic comedy. By default, that makes me the sassy best friend."
"I am a teenager with a cell phone! I will be the source of many sexting jokes!"
"I'm Julia Roberts, and this is a romantic comedy. Even if things don't go my way, they'll still go my way."
"And don't forget about us! It's just a cameo, but we've been shown at least four times already in this trailer. Demographic appeal, ahoy!"
"This film will be followed by a very special episode of Cake Boss."
"Ain't love grand!? Double high-five that nobody ever gives in real life, girlfriends!"
So which cliches does the movie hit upon? I'd say everything from My Best Friend's Wedding (Stretched Over Another Decade) to Male Lead, Stammering Charm, with a dose of Sassy Grandma, Precocious Kids, Wisdom From The Elders, and Gratuitous Dance Scene thrown in for good measure. Welcome to the next decade of romantic comedies: the more things change, the more things stay the same.