On yesterday's episode, Snooki was on the receiving end of a now-infamous suckerpunch. It was shitty for many reasons, one of them being that it's more fun watching her have fun, because when she has fun, she does back flips!



Literally!

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not Snooki

I don't know what surprises/confuses me more: That they blurred out Snooki's underwear, or that she was wearing any at all.

JWoww described Snooki's dancing at Karma as "the best thing I ever saw in my life." I'd have to agree with her completely. Seriously, though, I've watched them dance so much over the past few episodes, that I'm starting to think it looks really fun, and I've become interested in "beatin' up the beat," as Pauly D would say.


Also, like Snooki says, "It's not sexual. It's fuckin' house music."


Meanwhile, Sammi and Ronnie had a fight. It was serious! It was no joke! (But it's OK to laugh. She is letting her hair down, one extension at a time.)


And then they "smooshed." (Smooshed=fucked.)


Also, how great was Ronnie's use of the term "the equation." That's going to be their celebrity couple nickname.

Speaking of nicknames, The Situation was having no luck with the women this week, not for a lack of trying. He wined and dined women in the hot tub with champagne and no frills potato chips.

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not SnookiS

And toasted to "being Italian."

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not SnookiS

But alas, neither he nor Pauly could seal the deal. One girl even gave the old "I've got my period" line to keep his hands out of her pants, when we all know—some from personal experience—that girls are extra horny on their periods.


The best part is that right after Pauly asked her if something was wrong, he asked her if she was hungry.

Between his ego, his fitness routine, The situation reminds me a lot of Dirk Diggler, but without any of the sex.

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not Snooki

I wonder if The Situation is asking this girl if she's hungry.

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not Snooki

And I wonder if this guy is asking Pauly D if he's hungry.

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not Snooki

And although the boys hit a dry spell with the ladies, it was pouring rain at the beach. So they went to a tanning salon.

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not SnookiS

And now for the ballad of Snooki and Russ/Ron.


Seriously, no joke, this is not a game, I'm not playin: How can you not love this girl?


We got to meet Snooki's mom!

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not SnookiS

That special gift from her vagina is a vagina gift that keeps on giving:

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not SnookiS

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not SnookiS

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not SnookiS

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not SnookiS

It's going to be really hard not calling her Snooki Puss.

Last but not least, there was that horrible punch to the face. It's crazy that this guy cold clocked her, but even crazier because it came out of nowhere. Their was no escalation in threats or shoving or any remotely intimidating atmosphere.


But it's helped make these kids huge stars. They're like the Beatles.

Jersey Shore: Beat Up The Beat, Not SnookiS