Christmas songs are inherently corny, but add in sexy Santas, washed up child stars, and a drag queen nativity scene, and you have some of the cheesiest holiday music videos of all time.
If you're a female pop star making a Christmas video, you really have no choice but to wear a sexy Santa costume, so let's ignore the fact that Michelle is frolicking in the snow in a midriff-baring top. Like many Destiny's Child songs, "8 Days of Christmas" focuses on the exchange of goods and services between you and your "baby." While some say Christmas is about spending time with your loved ones, according to Destiny's Child. nothing "feels like Christmas" more than gift certificates, diamond belly rings, and a "crop jacket with dirty denim jeans."
Most of the videos on this list are unintentionally ridiculous, but here Run-DMC purposely turns cheesiness into a thing of beauty. In this video we learn that Santa's base of operations is in the basement of a TV studio, he decides who's naughty or nice on a modified Simon Says, and that Run, DMC, and Jay grew up in a house constructed entirely out of cardboard.
In this video from the How The Grinch Stole Christmas soundtrack, Faith Hill belts out a holiday power ballad while sporting crimped hair and a furry jacket that makes her look like the Abominable Snow Monster. Faith's howling and fist pounding really capture the pathos of Jim Carrey being trapped in a giant rubber Grinch suit. The video includes a cameo by Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen, but it would be much more entertaining if the Grinch took the red straps from Faith's giant belt and made her pull his sleigh instead of the dog.
Even if you forget everything you know about Chris Brown, this video is still horrifying. Unless the movie This Christmas is about Chris harnessing his Jedi powers, there's no reason for him to be turning on lights or breaking into people's houses with his mind. Plus, the last thing anyone wants to wake up to on Christmas morning is three Chris Browns doing a Michael Jackson impersonation in the middle of their street.
Paul and Linda McCartney look like they're having fun in this video, but why does their simply wonderful Christmas time include them crashing to Earth in a giant Rubik's Cube? This video must have been created the week after the editor figured out how to do computer animation — that's the only reasonable explanation for Paul singing a duet with his CGI twin and allowing his band to be trampled by a pack of phantom horses.
#5: "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" By David Bowie and Bing Crosby
Though this duet was filmed for Bing Crosby's Merrie Olde Christmas, for some reason David Bowie gets an original song while Bing Crosby is stuck with the "pa rum pa pum pum"s on Little Drummer Boy. But what makes this video cheesy isn't the song, it's the setup. Are we really supposed to believe that Bing has a relative named "Sir Percival"? And why doesn't David Bowie own his own piano? At least one part rings true: If we had to pick the two stars most likely to break into song with a perfect stranger, it would be Bing and Bowie.
#4: "Little Drummer Boy" By RuPaul
Bing and Bowie have nothing on RuPaul's version of "Little Drummer Boy," which features a beggar drumming a funky beat, lady shepherds singing backup, and the Star of Bethlehem wedged in a foot-high wig. The best part is when RuPaul struts over to Baby Jesus, though it seems this part got cut from the gospels.
#3: "Hey Santa" By Carnie & Wendy Wilson
This video starts with Carnie Wilson getting glass shards from a snow globe blown into her eyes, and grows more unsettling from there. Behind-the-scenes on the most unsafe music video set ever, we see the director getting electrocuted, beating a little person with a candy cane, and throwing Santa into the Christmas tree. Finally, Wendy chokes him and tries to leave his body behind the couch while Carnie continues to whine about Santa bringing her boyfriend home for Christmas. Hey Santa... Watch out, it's a trap!
In this video from The Osbournes' Family Christmas Special Jessica Simpson dons her most festive halter top for some yuletide fun with the Prince of Darkness. This includes cuddling by the fire sans Sharon, building an anatomically correct snowman, and Ozzy throwing a snowball in Jess' mouth.
While we don't recommend playing this song when children or small dogs are in earshot, it still isn't Jess' worst Christmas duet ever. That would be the "Little Drummer Boy" sing-off in which she's pitted against her little sister Ashlee Simpson (and Ashlee's old nose).
#1: "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" By 'N Sync
Being named the cheesiest anything isn't a tall order for 'N Sync, but it seems they went out of their way to embarrass themselves in this video. That's where Gary Coleman comes in. His presence raises so many questions, like where would one buy a child-size green vinyl pimp suit? And how long has he had the ability to summon 'N Sync by snapping his fingers?
In the clip, the boys are given the simple task of filling in for Santa, but due to their love of freak dancing they fail miserably. 'N Sync's green screen adventure begins with them handing out gifts to extras who, judging from the strategically placed dirt smudges, are supposed to be homeless. 'N Sync projects holiday greetings on the wall in several languages, since the boys think most bums are ethnic-types. After deserting their homeless brethren and changing into clothes that are three sizes too big, 'N Sync happens upon a group of children abandoned in their living room and brings them to an adult party as their kiddie entourage. It's particularly troubling when you consider what type of gift Justin Timberlake likes to put in those boxes.