A new, highly unscientific study from Matchmaker.com, Date.com and Amor.com found that men are more likely to admit to being "depressed and upset" after a breakup. This somehow prompted Joanna Molloy for the NY Daily News to write this:
One less bell to answer? One less egg to fry? Hell, after a mani-pedi I'll be just fine, thank you. Okay, maybe after a pint of Chunky Monkey as "Last Goodbye" blasts 75 times.
Are you listening, Elin Nordegren? If you dump Tiger, even after all the humiliation, you'll be back out there in no time.
In an article that reads like a high school student auditioning for a job at Cosmo, Molloy explores - unsatirically, it seems - every shitty stereotype about gender and relationships. Although she titles her piece "Tough guys less willing than women to dive into dating pool after breakup," there seems to be no reason for the focus on the brokenhearted guy's "toughness." Yet she keeps at it:
Big, bad, tough guys are devastated when women leave them, while gals tend to jump right back into the dating pool, a new poll says.
The men who answered the survey are expected to be "tough guys" simply because they are men, and all penis-bearing people should be categorized as tough guys. And they shouldn't have emotions or icky, girly stuff like that. They should all be strong, silent and we must assume, deeply misogynistic. However, Dr. Keith Ablow points out that online daters are a selective pool of subjects, and may not accurately represent all men. "Men who gravitate toward those sites may do so because they're rejection-sensitive," he said. "They may use the computer as a filter." Unlike the Don Drapers of the world, who Molloy points to as an example of a paragon of masculinity, online daters are just a bunch of wimps. Or, to put it another way:
Men were programmed in the caveman days to club their woman over the head, but now even approaching a babe in a bar can trigger fear.
Meanwhile, women, like elephant seals, may just want a larger selection of potential mates.
We also apparently want our mates to treat us like crap. Another expert, Francine Kaye, weighs in on What Women Want. Speaking for ladies everywhere, she argues: "The demands of the workplace have changed us, and brought out our more masculine side. We're taking that home with us...bullying our men into submission. We don't actually want men like that, and we end up resenting them for not being...fearless." Working may have made us into masculine, ball-busting bitches, but all we really want is a fearless man who can put us in our place. Molloy takes this to mean that we are all secretly "yearning for a bit more caveman." Yes, she is actually advocating for the type of man who is "programmed" to club a woman over the head. Fortunately, we have a one-syllable response ready for this type of dude - and this type of "trend" piece: Pshaw.