The Jezebel Dating Guide: Girdles, Submission, And You

So many Britons live a single, "Bridget Jones" lifestyle that soon there won't be enough room to house all these brazen hussies! Clearly Brits and Americans alike need dating advice — and in a crowded field, we have the best.

Britain's loveless Bridgets may be taxing its housing stock (a mere 72.6% of thirtysomething British ladies are shacked up with a partner), but you can be married with eight children by Christmas. You just have to follow the right dating advice. But how to find it? Dating tips have been around forever, as these examples from 1938 attest. And everybody's getting in on the act, including the authors of Principles 101: Feminism, Manhood, and You, an online book that purportedly "exposes Feminism, the 'Seduction Community' scam, the failure of cliched dating advice and why men find women increasingly difficult to deal with in this Feminist dating climate." Principles 101 seeks to teach men how to reclaim their "male authority" — starting with a cover featuring the words "cunts," "pussification," and "mangina." Below, we compare the dating wisdom of 1938 with the observations of the Principles — and add a few (unisex) tips of our own.

On driving
1938: Don't use the car mirror to fix your make-up. Man needs it in driving, and it annoys him very much to have to turn around to see what's behind him.
Principles 101: Women lack foresight for the same reason children lack it; they focus on themselves to a dysfunctional degree. Without male guidance, women neglect to consider the viewpoint of others. As a result, women, in relation to men, lack the capacity to bear heavy responsibilities. Yet, because of Feminism's reckless encouragement, they happily volunteer to "steer" the lives of others, oblivious to the dangerous situation this creates for everyone; our Feminist society lowers academic, professional, and civil service standards to accommodate women's irresponsible desire to accept duties they were never designed to fulfill. Consequently, our schools, our economy, and our lives must all sit in the passenger seat, waiting for the inevitable crash.

On neatness
1938: If you need a brassiere, wear one. Don't tug at your girdle, and be careful your stockings are not wrinkled.
Principles 101: Right now, whether you realize it or not, you are disorderly.

On conversation
1938: Don't talk about clothes, or try to describe your new gown to a man. Please and flatter your date by talking about the things he wants to talk about.
Principles 101: [W]hen men try to initiate or lead social interactions, instead of respecting this chore, "bitches" will attempt to subvert male authority by degrading the social status of men. Condescending remarks about social desperation, lack of friendships, lack of social competence or inadequate appearance are not uncommon. If these women haven't already refused to acknowledge their existence with lack of eye contact or verbal response, an uphill battle of dysfunctional conversation can be expected. Men will find themselves being interrupted or talked over as dominating the interaction becomes these women's focus.

On what men want
1938: Careless women never appeal to gentlemen. Don't talk while dancing, for when a man dances he wants to dance.
Principles 101: Your Manhood is expressed in the form of authority. Its function is to discipline and bring into submission those who should rightly be under your authority. Your authority is necessary to enforce your expectations. By training others to recognize and apply the principles governing their respective gender, you bring them into a functional state where they become useful, thus valuable.

On dissipation
1938: The last straw is to pass out from too much liquor. Chances are your date will never call you again!
Principles 101: Consider the punk rocker lifestyle. Its dysfunctional nature advocates the dismantling of social order. Only dysfunctional people are drawn to such a chaotic lifestyle. Their houses, cars, personal appearance and relationships are all one big disorderly mess. If you were to stop taking care of your house and personal appearance, they would gradually and spontaneously start resembling this lifestyle.

While Principles 101 may offer helpful hints on becoming a punk rocker (just quit mowing your lawn!), it's probably too absurd to help men actually get a date (readers might want to keep under their hats, for instance, the author's opinion that women shouldn't get to vote). But it does reveal some similarities between women's dating tips and total misogyny. Yes, the tips above are from 1938, but the idea that men's desires need to control every aspect of dating, from what you talk about to what you wear, persists today. And "experts" are still lining up to tell women that being deferential is the key to lasting love. Not so into submission? Luckily, there's an easier way. Behold, the Jezebel Dating Guide.

Step 1: Don't be an asshole.
Step 2: Do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't violate Step 1.

I lied above — this dating guide may not get you an entire family in the next two weeks. It will, however, allow you to maintain self-respect without belittling other people, something the 111-page Principles 101 can't claim. So this holiday season, instead of worrying about whether you're "flattering your date" or engaging in "dysfunctional conversation" just ask yourself whether you're being an asshole and adjust accordingly. Or, just read everything Principles 101 says and do the exact opposite. Warning: you may become disorderly.

Tips For Single Ladies (1938) [Sad and Useless]
Principles 101 [Scribd]
‘Bridget Jones' Singletons Threaten Housing Crisis, Figures Suggest [Telegraph]