"The Threesome Of Foreplay": Couples And Strip Clubs

Fox News "sexpert" Yvonne Fulbright says a strip club is "a dimly-lit, somber, reserved experience with all eyes on the women" — which is why couples should totally go to one! After the jump: her insanely bad reasons.

What's shocking about Fulbright's advice isn't its premise — going to strip clubs as a couple isn't really all that kinky, though I'd question whether said clubs are usually "somber" or "reserved." It's her "9 Reasons" why couples should engage in this "threesome of foreplay." To whit:

1. There's no work involved.

Foreplay becomes a breeze even before you take your seat. Lovers often find themselves sexually excited at the mere prospect of going to a strip club. Yet this arousal goes far beyond pre-game show titillations, with lovers already anticipating what will happen once they get back home.

Really? You have to drive to the strip club, watch a show, drive home*, and then have sex, at which point the woman will probably have cooled off enough that some actual foreplay is still required. Is this really less work than just going down on her a little?

Then there's this:

4. The experience can make them feel sexier.

By identifying with the stripper's sexuality or desiring it, lovers can feel more wanton in the process. In other cases, where a stripper looks particularly haggard, a woman may come away from the experience feeling confirmed (and relieved) that she's more attractive than the gal on stage. After all, the slight jealousy that can be fueled by the experience acts as inspiration to outdo the stripper at some point.

So basically the point of going to a strip club is to reassure yourself that you're hotter than the used-up old slutbag on the pole. Nice.

9. It puts a woman's mind at ease.

Even if they don't like watching their men get turned on, some women would rather know what their partners are doing than be left wondering. Accompanying him to a strip club makes her feel like she's more on top of his sexual liaisons.

[...]

Remember, flexibility is key, as the rules may need to change once you're inside. Seeing strip club fantasies become reality can be difficult for some. It may tap insecurities for some, while the sight of often sad, blank-faced strippers evokes pity from others.

For an article that initially seemed like it would be stripper-positive, Fulbright's piece actually presents one of the nastiest views of stripping I've ever read. Apparently strippers are "often sad, blank-faced" vehicles for the harmless titillation of nice girls — girls who have boyfriends and husbands and would never think of taking off their clothes for money (they do it for exercise! In pole-dancing class!). The whole article carries a whiff of classism and moralism even as it advocates something the author claims is "taboo." And Fulbright's claim that going to a strip club "puts a woman's mind at ease" seems totally flawed. The experience a man has at a strip club with his partner is likely totally different from the one he has by himself or with male friends — by going with him, a woman is creating a whole new sexual situation, not eavesdropping on an existing one. This isn't to say that seeing a stripper might not be hot for some couples — but those who would do so out of mistrust or a desire to feel superior might be better off seeing a therapist. And anyway, the best way to get "on top of his sexual liaisons" is probably the most literal one.

* I guess this doesn't apply if you have sex in the strip club bathroom. Or if the strip club is actually a sex club — but somehow I don't think Fox News endorses those.

FoxSexpert: 9 Reasons Strip Clubs Can Spice Up Your Sex Life [Fox News]