Watching the ladies of The View dance around the most obvious implications of the Tiger Woods story was like watching a family at Thanksgiving trying to avoid mentioning an obviously pregnant teenager at the table. Awkward!

Oh, those View ladies had their work cut out for them this post-Thanksgiving day of Hot Topics. On the one hand, if there's anything they claim to love it's celebrity privacy, and if there's anything they claim to hate, it's domestic violence. But on the other hand, there are some very sticky rumors out there that female-on-male violence is part of the developing Tiger Woods story. So how did the ladies deal with it? By avoiding the issue as long as they could (until Whoopi mentioned it in the context of "a bizarre question" — ha!) while making wince-y faces and speaking veeerrrry slowwwly. Here's the breakdown of where each View member stands. They're just exactly like a family in crisis:

Sherri: Total, Pathological Denial: He shouldn't have to explain anything because married people get into arguments and "when did TMZ become the Bible of all news?" This situation is different for Tiger than it is for anyone else because he "has never shown himself to be any person that's of violence."

Barbara: Cautious Disbelief: "It's his business. I know that if you're in the public eye supposedly you have to reveal things about yourself but in this case it was between him and his wife."

Elisabeth: Avoidance, Ignorance: First she made a joke about how Tiger could have crashed into a tree when his entire job as a golfer is not hitting things into trees, then she insinuated that she didn't know anything about the story. Off the hook!

Joy: Ignored Source of Comic Relief: Made jokes, but nobody listens to her.

Whoopi: Lone Voice of Reason: "I have to ask a really bizarre question..if it had been reversed, and the rumors were flying that he had done something to her, would we be as saying look it's his business?"

Good question, Whoopi! Sadly, the ladies never really answered it — even trying to pretend at first that by "if the situation were reversed" meant "if Tiger Woods wasn't famous or was an elected official" instead of "If Tiger Woods was strongly rumored to have caused lacerations on the face of his wife with a golf club." Obviously, we all hope those rumors aren't true, but it's a little soon for The View to be declaring the case closed — especially since they would never do so if the situation were, you know, reversed.