The 2009 American Music Awards, at Nokia Theatre L.A., had the boldfaces: Rihanna, Reba, Paula, Shakira, Alicia, Kelly and hundreds more. And it had clothes: amazing and bizarre. And, oh yeah, it had Bobby Trendy.

American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Know what's great about Carrie Underwood's dress? You just know from sense memory that it feels like one of those Barbie gowns.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Don't worry, Selena Gomez, there's enough glitz to go around!


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

So, over the weekend I was considering the purchase of a pair of silk tap shorts. And the saleslady said to me, "the great thing is, when you can't decide between a skirt or pants, you reach for the shorts." Wonder if that was Chani Christie's process.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

I like how Melissa Etheridge always puts just enough thought into her selections to make you think. Think about...life. And sequins.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Ah, the barber pole. The last refuge of a scoundrel.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Reba McIntyre may or may not have ridden here. Through a briar patch. Western-style, presumably.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Shakira looks adorable, is apparently going to walk through a Medieval town square filled with excrement for an audience with the king.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

That's good: otherwise we might not have been sure where Kelly Clarkson's breasts were.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

It's like Toni Braxton's leg is about to perform a Gypsy Rose Lee-style striptease.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

What Phoebe Price has to do with American Music, I can't say. What she has to do with "never disappointing" is a lot.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Oh, but you know what's apparently over my head? Leona Lewis's dress.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Paula Abdul, once again, dressed for a ball that only she is attending. This may be genius. It may be tragic.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Rihanna's die-cut doily: the evening's most creative - and prettiest - look.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Is Alicia Keys' frock a) for a figure-skating engagement later in the evening b) a bet she lost c) Andy Kaufman-style performance art or, and I very much fear it's this, d) none of the above?


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Kristen, psst...there's a strip missing from your dress. Oh, it's supposed to be like that? I'll just...walk over here. There's Val Kilmer. In a hat.


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

Remember those weird "toys" where there were a bunch of pins in a box and you stuck your hand or, if you were brave, your face in, and it sort of hurt, but at the end you had a really neat, ephemeral impression of it? Fergie does!


American Music Awards: Stand & DeliverS

I'll say this for Bobby Trendy. He's gotten his picture up on Getty.

American Music Awards: Stand & Deliver

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