Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Oh. My. God. I love the "Bad Romance" video so hard. And I love it even more now that I've broken it down frame-by-frame and discovered the underlying themes and hidden meanings. Let's begin:

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Fade in. Ms. Gaga, ever the generous host, is just chilling with her minions, listening to music.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

She is wearing her razor-blade sunglasses, because a girl can never be too careful. The world assaults us with images! We must fight back! (Or, as she told MTV News: "I wanted to design a pair for some of the toughest chicks and some of my girlfriends - don't do this at home! - they used to keep razor blades in the side of their mouths… That tough female spirit is something that I want to project. It's meant to be, 'This is my shield, this is my weapon, this is my inner sense of fame, this is my monster.") I certainly hope you're taking notes.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

FYI: Motherboard, barbed wire or fine screen door mesh manicures are the new hot shit. Adjust accordingly.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Suddenly, there's a flash of light.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

A room! With Ukranian vodka! This must be a dream. Or a nightmare?

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Coffin-like pods line the floor. Note the one which reads "Monster," as therein lies our heroine.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

By the way: Since The Lady refers to her creative team as the Haus of Gaga, this scenario, naturally, takes place in the Bath Haus of Gaga.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

The Lady emerges, wrapped up for freshness.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

It's important to loosen up the joints and muscles after being transported — nay, kidnapped — into a questionable dimension. Working out with friends keeps you motivated.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Speeding through a hole in the time/space continuum often leaves a layer of grime. Bathing is a must.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Here, her eyes are wide with knowledge, not fear: She is a captive!

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Product placement! Did you know that Dr. Dre, who has his own Beats By Dre headphones, worked with The Lady to make Heartbeats by Lady Gaga?

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Back to the story: Gaga is ripped from the bath by her captors.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

She is really just an innocent young thing, what could they possibly want with her?

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Well, first they'd like to strip her of her latex garments…

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

…Then they'd like to force imported vodka down her throat. The usual Tuesday night stuff.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Fueled by liquor, Gaga is trussed up in a sparkly ensemble, robbed of her Burberry overcoat and forced to dance.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

So many male bidders, so little time!

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

The Man With The Gold Chin Strap takes an interest in Ms. Gaga. Gold+Man= Goldman? As in Goldman Sachs? Is Gaga part of the bailout package?

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Her brain aches; she must make a choice. She can flee. Sure. But she can also stay and dance her ass off, use this man the way he wants to use her. She could really, really use the money, you see…

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

…She's got a little problem with her spine. And Oxford won't cover the surgery.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

So she dances. She seduces him because she has to. And because she can.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

According to The Woman's Dictionary Of Symbols & Sacred Objects, the bond between cats and women has always been strong. There was a time that the patriarchy, suspicious of this connection, would accuse any woman seen talking to or petting a cat of witchcraft. Cats were sacred to the Ancient Egyptians, and festivals for the the cat goddess Bast were huge. The Norse goddess Freya rode in a chariot drawn by cats, and felines were generally thought to be magic. So save your shaved pussy jokes until the end.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Oooh, looky! Our favorite ankle-snapping Alexander McQueen shoes from his Spring 2010 show in paris. You know, the Futuristic Interplanetary Mutant Alien Queen one. Not Derelicte In Wonderland… that's so Fall 2009.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

If you saw the McQueen ensembles and thought to yourself, "Who wears that? Now you know.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Anyway: Gaga drags herself and her bear carcass peignoir to do what she knows she must do.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Mr. Goldman awaits, hand creeping toward his stimulus package.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

He'd like to see what he's purchased.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

She's happy to oblige.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

But! Little does he know — she has power, strength, and can, like a young Drew Barrymore, start fires with her mind.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

(See, she has already informed the others that there will be a revolt! That's where the red and the leather come in: Viva La Revolucion!)

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

Yes, the bed is aflame. Fire can be symbolic of passion, but in this case, she is using it as a weapon, to destroy her enemy.

Latex, Sex & A Burning Sensation: An Analysis Of Lady Gaga's New Vid

In the end, her sparkbra is saved, but Mr. Goldman? He is merely a charred skeleton.

The moral: Buy flame-retardant lingerie.


Here's the video clip, sans commentary. Enjoy.

Lady Gaga Says 'Bad Romance' Video Is About 'Tough Female Spirit' [MTV News]
Bad Romance Exclusive Premiere [Facebook]
Lady Gaga Bad Romance [YouTube]

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