And Now It's Time To Play Conspiracy Theory With Sarah Palin

Taking to her Facebook page to complain about work done by actual politicians, the super-profesh Sarah Palin once again warned Americans that they'd be facing "death panels" due to the passage of the health care reform bill in the House.

Palin posted several rants yesterday, most of them aimed at House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, for wanting to push the bill through by midnight. "Why the rush?" Palin asked in a note titled "Speaker Pelosi, Your Blue Dogs Are Barking," "That's a lot of pages to read. Why not give everyone the chance to read it and debate it?"

In a second note, titled "The Pelosi Bill Was Rammed Through On Saturday, But Sunday's Coming," Palin celebrates the passage of the Stupak Amendment (surprise, surprise), but once again trots out her old "death panel" fear mongering and asks her readers to check out the provisions regarding coverage for illegal aliens, though she doesn't actually quote the bill or point out what these provisions are:

All of us who value the sanctity of life are grateful for the success of the pro-life majority in the House this evening in its battle against federal funding of abortion in this bill, but it's ironic because we were promised that abortion wasn't covered in the bill to begin with. Our healthy distrust of these government leaders made us look deeper into the bill because unfortunately we knew better than to trust what they were saying. The victory tonight to amend the bill and eliminate that federal funding for abortion was great – because abortion is not health care. Now we can only hope that Rep. Stupak's amendment will hold in the final bill, though the Democratic leadership has already refused to promise that it won't be scrapped later.

We had been told there were no "death panels" in the bill either. But look closely at the provision mandating bureaucratic panels that will be calling the shots regarding who will receive government health care.

But in perhaps the most interesting section of her rant, Palin builds several conspiracy theories regarding Pelosi's desire to push the bill through the House:

Despite Americans' decisive message last Tuesday that they reject the troubling path this country has been taking, Speaker Pelosi has broken her own promises of transparency to ram a health "care" bill through the House of Representatives just before midnight. Why did she push the 2,000 page bill this weekend? Was she perhaps afraid to give her peers and the constituents for whom she works the chance to actually read this monstrous bill carefully, if at all? Was she concerned that Americans might really digest the details of a bill that the Wall Street Journal has called "the worst piece of post-New Deal legislation ever introduced"?

I don't know, you guys. I mean, maybe Speaker Pelosi was afraid that Sarah Palin would totally read the bill after she finished reading all the newspapers and magazines and she just wanted to push it through so she could be all "Oh, Sarah Palin, don't you have some designer suits to return? Oh snap flowchart: women in politics edition." Most likely, however, Speaker Pelosi was less concerned with Palin's death panel fearmongering conspiracy theories and more concerned with trying to take the steps necessary to eventually provide coverage for millions of Americans.

In any case, here are a few more guesses as to why Speaker Pelosi had to have the bill passed by Saturday at midnight:

  • Really wants to watch the Mad Men season finale without being worried about all that health care hullabaloo
  • Not ready to share her werewolf issues with the American public just yet
  • Plans to spend all day Sunday praying that pro-choice voters will forget about the passage of the Stupak Amendment (not gonna happen!)
  • Trying to prove to the rest of the House reps that C-SPAN is where it's AT on Saturday nights
  • Made a deal with Fairy Godmother: Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo provision ensures coverage for Godmothers with magical powers; failure to pass bill by midnight would have turned the United States into a giant pumpkin

Feel free to add your own conspiracy theories in the comments.

The Pelosi Bill Was Rammed Through On Saturday, But Sunday Is Coming [Sarah Palin]
Speaker Pelosi, Your Blue Dogs Are Barking [Sarah Palin]