An Australian woman denies that practicing one of the top ten most overrated sex acts, on-road fellatio, led to an accident: "It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place..."
Says Allyson White, a waitress from Darwin accused of engaging in "amorous activities" with the car's driver, "I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so [the cops] probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he'd already paid me. But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job."
The car crashed into a concrete drain en route to a place awesomely called "Humpty Doo." Ms. White says the seat belt burn on her chest, which looks painful, proves she was not, in fact, cheating on her boyfriend with the drunk driver, who's just a friend. As she tells the Northern Territory News,
I was not sucking his d*** - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest...Clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it's impossible that I'd be leaning over sucking his d*** unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a f****** rubber neck. If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarrassing, I got caught sucking someone's d***' - but it is not true and that's what is p****** me off.
I find her denial totally credible and think she is owed an apology for allegations of lewdness, infidelity, and engaging in overrated acts. I'd say "defamation of character," but I doubt she cares. In other news, Australian potty mouths are awesome.
Australian Passenger Was Not Sucking That Guy's Dick [The Awl]
Sex Act Driver Loses Control [NT News]
No Oral Sex, Says Ute Crash Waitress [NT News]
Top 10 Sex Acts That Should Be Retired [Playboy]