Last night, Nicole was freaking out because Nigel told her that she talked like a "stoner." She slowly said, "I need to…figure that out." (Such a stoner response!) But the inanity of Tyra and co. makes everyone's minds feel altered.


First of all, when you have a crazy woman in a wig smiling at you while saying stuff that she believes is brilliant but actually makes absolutely no sense like, "Strong photo, weak film," or "What killed you in a negative way…" you'll feel a little fucked up.



(It's extra scary when the Jabberwockies make facial expressions by using their hands!)

Also, when a giant, psychedelic snail enters the room, accompanied by a slimy man in 10 tons of makeup, things are not normal.


All of this would give anyone else a bad trip. Nicole is remarkable in that she can take this all in stride and chew her gum.

One last thing: What the fuck is up with Lil Mama's hair?

When I was in third grade I had this friend Nicole whose dad left her mom for another woman. Nicole's mom was our lunch mother and she was probably my first introduction to depression. She would sit in the playground during recess and read Harlequin novels with sexy covers, and had completely abandoned keeping up with her dye job so she had hair exactly like Lil Mama. The sad, divorced mom look is not working for her.