Starbucks is hoping we'll take the word of "people who yell at town hall meetings" on the taste of their new instant coffee product, Via. As for this campaign, I can't taste the difference between "too soon" and "too ineffective."

We all get it: Starbucks is exploiting the culture wars the way HSBC does with those vaguely-offensive-but-in-a-way-I-can't-name "different people, different values" ads that now blanket every airport in America and beyond. They're trying to say that all types of people, including people we respect, like nurses, people we think are adorable, like "yellow-belts," people with...passionate hobbies, like civil war re-enactors, people who cannot be categorized, like those who look like their dogs, and even totally batshit insane people who yell at strangely-integrated townhall meetings, can all come together as one to not be able to taste the difference between Starbucks' regular coffee and this new instant kind.

It doesn't really make much sense, because the only group of people mentioned who would actually be coffee experts are nurses, but I guess the company's still afraid of a "Starbucks is just for big city fancy folk" vibe, which is hilarious, because have you been to a tiny town ten miles from the interstate in the Deep South lately? There's a Starbucks there, too. And it's putting the local Waffle House out of business. I plan to try this new Starbucks product, but only to prove this ad wrong — and because of the nurses. Nurses know their coffee, man. Come to think of it, maybe this entire campaign is meant to piggyback on the hysteria over health care in general. If Americans can get all riled up for health care, maybe we can do the same for instant coffee! Now that's some Don Draper shit right there.