Does This Make You Horny, Baby?S

Newsweek ponders "The Pursuit of Sexual Happiness" and wonders what turns women on. I wonder why this is such a big mystery.

The article explains:

The mystery of why women have sex, and what they want out of it, has long been an elusive study-something even Sigmund Freud called "the great question." Researchers have historically theorized that women's motives lie in love and commitment, while newer studies have shown they do it for pleasure, just like men. But women are complicated creatures: their sexual health is determined as much by their emotions as by their physical state, which might help explain why as many as 50 percent of women have trouble getting aroused. Yet while scientists, in recent years, have labored over the "how" of female desire, no major study, until now, has actually asked women to describe why they have sex in the first place.

In their new book, Why Women Have Sex,University of Texas psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss aim to illuminate the complexities of women's sexual motivations through women's own words-an important step, they say, to better understanding how women can achieve sexual satisfaction.

No! You're kidding! What a novel idea! Let's just ask someone what turns them on!

The intrepid researchers also notice that motivations for sex vary:

Based on five years of research and an online survey of 1,000 women, the authors consider motivation ranging from altruistic sex ("I felt sorry for the guy") to revengeful sex ("I wanted to get back at my partner") to palliative sex ("I had a migraine"). We hear from women who've had sex to boost their confidence, even if it's with a man (or woman) they find repulsive, and from those who've used sex to barter for gifts or household chores (9 percent of us have used this form of economic sex, according to a University of Michigan study).

But my personal philosophy is fairly close to Dave Chappelle's:

But in case this needs to be clearer, here is a partial list of things that turn me on:

  • Sexy men
  • My boyfriend cooking
  • A clean house
  • First handsome guy spotted post yoga
  • Assorted celebrities
  • Hot guys with shape ups or dreadlocks
  • Sexy yoga instructors

Getting the idea? I tend to follow patterns because I'm boring like that.

Things that turn me off:

  • Stress
  • Fox News
  • Jamming it in. Ouch, damn it!

Feel free to help out the researchers in the comments section.

The Pursuit of Sexual Happiness [Newsweek]