We know every ladymag cover is full of false promises (that's why we call it Cover Lies), but October Glamour is particularly egregious — especially when it comes to those "12 Secret Signs He's Into You."

The "secret signs" turn out to be mostly cute anecdotes from women in committed relationships. Anecdotes like, "my husband walks two blocks to Starbucks for my coffee every morning." Number one sign "he's into you:" you're married. And I'm not sure if they count as part of the "73 must-know man-facts," but the "15 Guys We Love to Look At" constitute their very own Photoshop of Horrors, given that their arms have been bizarrely manipulated to look like they're holding hands with each other (Terrell Owens, p. 302, looks especially upsetting). Also, my issue did not contain a $500 sticker. Or a kitten, which seems about equally likely.

Send an email to Anna North, the author of this post, at annanorth@jezebel.com.