Last night, on the show formerly known as The Fatchelor, Puke Luke flipped the script by asking Malissa if his weight was okay with her.

But duh, of course it was. Luke and chunky dudes like Jack Black, Kevin James and Seth Rogen always get the ladies, where as women are supposed to be THIN THIN THIN! Anyway: Malissa doesn't care how much Luke weighs. So Luke took her back to his hotel room…

More To Love: "I'm The First 300 Lb. Man You've Been With"

…Where his bed was strewn with flowers.

More To Love: "I'm The First 300 Lb. Man You've Been With"

And they made out.


I really enjoyed this Frankensoundbite of Malissa saying that she was shocked that a dolphin could support their weight. Kudos to someone in the editing room for cobbling those sounds together, because those words may have come out of Malissa's mouth, but not in that order.

The next day, Luke had a date with Tali, who, can I just note, is STUNNING?

More To Love: "I'm The First 300 Lb. Man You've Been With"

More To Love: "I'm The First 300 Lb. Man You've Been With"

More To Love: "I'm The First 300 Lb. Man You've Been With"

Hot. Period.

Luke informed Tali that they'd be going snorkeling, and Tali, though she'd been in the Israeli Navy, informed him that she had a fear of water.

More To Love: "I'm The First 300 Lb. Man You've Been With"

So Tali was scared.

More To Love: "I'm The First 300 Lb. Man You've Been With"

And sad.

But she went snorkeling anyway!


And somehow Luke talking her through getting in the ocean made Tali fall in love with Luke and so on. And even though he's dating two other women, which Tali finds "annoying and disturbing"…

More To Love: "I'm The First 300 Lb. Man You've Been With"

Luke took Tali back to his hotel room, where the bed was strewn with flowers.

More To Love: "I'm The First 300 Lb. Man You've Been With"

And they made out.

Lastly, Luke went out with Mandy.


He told her he could picture himself being married to her. Then they made out on a bed strewn with flowers.

The next day, he eliminated her from the show.

Only two ladies left: Who will Luke propose to?