The Missing 39 Pages: What's Harper's Bazaar Hiding?

In the midst of some groundbreaking research into expensive shit, several staffers discovered that their copies of the September Harper's Bazaar jump from page 256 to page 295. So what's on those missing 39 pages? We speculate, after the jump.

The magazine's extant pages - remember, his is the most important issue of the year! - feature an interview with Leighton Meester, a makeover of Susan Boyle, and a safari-themed photo shoot with Naomi Campbell. But are pages 256-295 just vaporware, a way to inflate the page count in the face of sagging ad sales? Or might they contain one of these:

— a hard-hitting interview with Ben Bernanke
— a profile of Liberian President Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, with no mention of her appearance or what kind of clothes she wears
— an ad-free, statistics-intensive report on urban poverty in America
— "How Shopping Hurts The Economy: An Expose," by Gwyneth Paltrow
— "I Have No Talent And I'm Boring: Heidi Montag's Shocking Confession"
— the full text of the health-care reform bill
— Barack Obama's birth certificate
— an actual pair of Louboutins, folding instructions included, not recommended for wearing in the rain
— black models (who aren't Naomi Campbell and aren't wearing animal skins)
— new stimulus package: uncut sheets of real US currency
— free samples of Botox, injectable fillers, and powerful antipsychotics
— a golden ticket
— just, like, some crickets and sawdust
— a life-size, fold-out photo of Levi Johnston's dick

Your guesses are welcome! Or, does anybody have an intact, um, uncut version of the magazine?

Harper's Bazaar [Official Site]