On last night's episode, Emily—whose father says he expresses his love by "buying her things"—spent five hours at a spa getting a facial and massage, among other treatments, to "boost her confidence" for an upcoming pageant.



This is the same little girl who was on Good Day L.A. earlier this week desperately looking to her parents to help her answer yes-or-no questions. While her parents enjoy lavishing expensive (and needless) spa treatments on their 4-year-old, they need to brace themselves for the likelihood that her teen years could be very difficult.

Emily's dad said, "Beauty for me is 'inner.' We're not superficial. If Emily feels confident, she's confident. And it'll show." I was freaking out when I saw his shirt.

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And then freaked out some more when I saw that he has a matching windbreaker.

Last night's episode focused on the kids competing in the California Gold Coast Pageant, the same one featured in Little Miss Sunshine. While technically, it's a glitz pageant, it's not as insane or inappropriate as others we've seen on these shows. The girls wear minimal makeup (comparatively), don't wear flippers (the fake teeth), and hair pieces are in the minority.

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That said, this episode was the most boring I've seen so far. I missed the trash and flash. I missed when kids put a little more into their routines than just this:

Still, there were some notable things. Like the fact that a 3-day-old boy competed.

And then there was 7-year-old Alicia.

She has a pet baby chicken, whom she makes mimic her routines.

Even though you can tell that it totally bums the chicken out.

Also, Alicia has a job. She works at a petting zoo on the weekends, where she feeds animals and hangs out with chickens.

Then there was 4-year-old Rylan. She prefers her father to her mother. She thinks her mother is a fool and is not afraid to say it to her face.

This lady at the pageant was by far my favorite.

And her brooch kicks Emily's dad's shirt and jacket's ass.

I don't know who this little girl was, but if you ask me, this behavior is not glitz—it's grotz. Was she raised at Alicia's petting zoo?

Both Emily and Alicia took the top prizes in their respective age groups, but these kids all know that winning isn't the most important thing. Right?