Because she's in a glitz pageant! At least, that was the reasoning regarding this 6-year-old from last night's episode of Toddlers & Tiaras.



I thought I was becoming desensitized to all the "needlessness" involved in the child pageant world. Until I saw this:

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Which I actually found less offensive than this:

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

What does Victoria want to be when she grows up?

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

You might think it sounds like a lot, but if Barbie can do it, so can Victoria.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

What was Victoria's talent for the pageant?

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

How did Victoria think it went?

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

What did the judges write?

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S




"On the floor too much and stuff. Broke wind."

This is 7-year-old Elexis. She has pet hermit crabs that she talks to.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

This sentiment has such a different meaning when said by an Atlantic City hooker.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Elexis' mom had beef with Margie, the makeup artist.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

She said, "I think it might just be her personality, but she doesn't make me feel real warm and fuzzy. I feel very intimidated around her." I don't blame her. This is Margie.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Also intimidating: Debbie, the self-professed "tough judge."

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

You know, after watching so many of these child pageant things on TV, I always thought that the parents seemed most insane when they got up and coached their children from the audience.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?

But it turns out, it's just as disturbing when they do it in their heads.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?

And then there's Maude Morgan.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

She's like Phyllis Diller.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

In a Carol Channing wig.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

She's down.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

She even has a grill.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?

She knows what she's talking about.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

And nobody could ever question her commitment to Sparkle Motion.


She has the support of her mom.

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

(While supplies last.)

Why Give An African-American Child A Spray Tan?S

Her father, however, actually thinks that this outfit is too revealing for a 7-year-old. He's so silly!


Speaking of men in pageants, here's a summary of a debate following last week's recap of T&T.