Liveblogging Limbaugh: Playing Games With Worst Person In The World

As previously mentioned, my penance for leaving is to liveblog Rush Limbaugh. My ears might be sullied, my head might explode, and my liver might not survive! But I've created a fun new game to allow you play along.

Just click on this link, pick a card at random. As Rush bloviates, I'll be keeping track while drinking and, in addition to trying to explain what crap he's spewing, calling out when he spews one of the terms on my list (and your cards). It's drunken Bingo!

If you have some urge to listen in, find your local station on Rush's site.

The live blog begins below:

2:59 pm: The lawyer apparently said, "Ben Roethlisberger has never forced himself on anyone, and especially on her." Rush thinks it's stupid to say "especially" and then refers to the alleged rape victim as "this babe." And then he's out for the day. And I'm going to find something to erase the memory of this all. I'll never leave Anna again.

2:55 pm: Rush doesn't have time to talk about lawyers, but apparently Ben Rothlisberger's lawyer said something about the rape case that amazed him.

2:54 pm: Obama is singlehandedly killing the job market, once he's done with the old people.

2:52 pm: This caller thinks Rush is an American hero. And she's talking about the chick who is suing her college over not getting a job, and is calling her lawyer a "Maxist lawyer" and calling her a whiner. Rush isn't totally against the college kid. The caller thinks that everyone is just lawsuit-happy in this country, and Rush thinks us young people are very entitled. They should also get off his lawn.

2:49 pm: Harry Reid brought up Rush wanting Obama to fail, and how that's wanting Americans to fail. Rush swears most people like their health coverage and don't hate their insurance companies. I think Rush probably doesn't know a lot of women. Also, for real, someone thinks Dems would attempt to assassinate Limbaugh because of his opposition to health care.

2:48 pm: Obama would kill old people with his bare hands. And only if they don't complain about their taxes. Also: Rush loves the words "statist" and "statism."

2:42 pm: Old guy who isn't senile wants to live a long time. But Rush says Obama health care will kill him. The old guy thinks HIV patients are getting a better deal than old people in Obama's plan in terms of rationing. Rush is stumbling... Rush says Obama has told old people to just die already. Rush suggests that the HIV patients will get special treatment because they're such reliable supports of Democrats. He's talking about TEH GHEYZ.

2:41: Rush keeps referring to health care as something American

2:40 pm: Believe Rush! He's just voicing your instincts! You're smart! Don't listen to facts! Just Rush!

2:39: DITTO players: Socialism!

2:38 pm: Apparently, the public option means they'll look at your computer. No, that was the PATRIOT Act, Rush. Also, Rush swears, SWEARS, he looks at Chavez shutting down radio stations and wants to do that, too.

2:35 pm: A new caller hates Senator Debbie "Stab-me-now" and keeps calling her Senators and Congressman keeps sending her form letters in response to her many queries.

2:30 pm: Some dude, Lee, is quite concerned that cap and trade might come up for a vote or Congress might pass card check this week. Rush agrees that the Dems might use the same tactics as Republicans did when they controlled the Senate to sneak stuff into other bills. He doesn't say it that way, and then goes to commercial.

2:28 pm: DITTO players: tea party

2:28 pm: Rush's third caller is a dittohead and teabagger and lovers her country and doesn't "want to see it sink into the sea." Betcha that, despite living in Florida, she doesn't believe in global warming.

2:25 pm: Limbaugh says a Supermax prison in Michigan or Leavenworth for Gitmo detainees to stay or try. Limbaugh's not opposed to Michigan for job-creation purposes, despite Harry Reid saying it would never happen. He also thinks all criminal trials have juries. They don't. But you won't get convictions in Michigan, Rush says. You know, because they're all black people.

2:25 pm: Plaxico Burris was apparently indicted for shooting himself.

2:23 pm: MOMMY CARE. I will find this woman, and I will hurt her.

2:21 pm: More ads. And I'm in the final stretch!

2:19 pm: Rush decides, without evidence, that there's government money being spent on this. And we've gotten them drunk.

2:18 pm: A homeless people's soccer tournament has earned Rush-bo's ire. Also, what does he have against the Associated Press?

2:16 pm: Limbaugh says that since the government has a stake in the car companies, Obama himself is making money off the clunkers program.

2:14 pm: Back to fucking clunkers! And Jim DeMint.

2:13 pm: Some chick wants her money back from her college because she hasn't found a job in the last 4 months. I can't tell whether Rush is for the chick and her court-clogging lawsuit or not.

2:09 pm: Back to Sebelius, and she's supposed to track trends in gender disparities in health care by gender. Apparently, this is bad.

2:08 pm: Back to the fucking clunkers again.

2:04 pm: MOMMY CARE

1:54 pm: Second caller! Back to health care. Dude wants to know if there would be an appeals process in claim-denial, and he figures there would be a "judge" to determine them, but he would swing to the left. Limbaugh makes one good point — an appeals process would take forever, which is what disability does. Then he ruins it by talking about clunkers again, then he pretends there won't be one. And it's ADVERTISING time again.

1:53 pm: Limbaugh wants the Chinese to trust us more. But you shouldn't trust the government, you should trust him.

1:50 pm: Robert Gibbs' voice being sped up to make fun of him, too. This is lame/tired.

1:48 pm: Limbaugh is back. Lame.

1:44 pm: DITTO players: public option

1:44 pm: Still talking about the public option. Also, those of you who believe in Obama are screwed. You should believe in Rush.

1:41 pm: Limbaugh speeds up Obama's voice, too.

1:40 pm: Obama doesn't like America. He wants to redistribute wealth or whatever.

1:39 pm: Limbaugh says the government wants to get you into the cars they want, and those cars aren't SUVs. Car dealers in upstate NY selling SUVs hand over fist (because "better fuel economy" means 22 mpg, by the way) would disagree.

1:38 pm: By the way, the stimulus was about creating chaos and distracting Americans. I thought that's what Rock of Love was for!

1:38 pm: DITTO players: stimulus

1:37 pm: HAHAHA Limbaugh uses facts and is reality-based! So he says.

1:37: DITTO players: conservatives, Bill Clinton

1:35pm: "These people" just don't care about you. Also, they're working off Rules for Radicals. Apparently the public option = a single payer system, Rush swears. Obama's just a big liar, etc.

1:33 pm: My friend, Hunter Walker, had a serious accident that left him in critical condition in a coma for 3 days which required multiple surgeries and months of physical therapy. He kept me company for a little bit this afternoon and has this to say about using oxycontin, which he was prescribed for pain while in physical therapy trying to recover from his accident, and Limbaugh.

I think we could make a very good case that Limbaugh's behavior all stems from some kind of opiate induced psychosis the paranoia. Disconnected statements and logics, unexplained bouts of rage: he's basically a semi-funcitoning smack head with a microphone. That type of weight loss is seriously indicative of drug use, look at Matthew Perry on Friends. I weighed like 120 something pounds after my accident from all the opiate puking. You dont get hungry on oxy, you're like always nauseous and you shit black water, if you're luck enough to be regularly shitting. I know this is TMI, but this is what Limbaugh is going through every day along with being high as a kite. Does he make more sense now?

1:31 pm: Yet another break. God, no wonder this shit is all over the airwaves, it must make ad revenue hand over fist.

1:29 pm: DITTO players: economy

1:27 pm: He's talking about lower tax revenues because of job losses.

1:26 pm: Limbaugh refers to the "state controlled Associated Press" and I LOL.

1:25 pm: DITTO players: Washington Post

1:24 pm: Limbaugh thinks it's about time that Republicans get their own people protesting for a living just like the Democrats.

1:22 pm: He's got his first caller! Chris from Indiana wants to talk about the Democrats at town halls, but she heard on MSNBC that the town hall hoopla is coming from tea baggers "in cahoots" with health insurance companies to disrupt the proceedings. Rush says that NBC isn't a credible source for him and he hates Richard Wolfe.

1:20 pm: MOMMY CARE MAKE IT STOP

1:17 pm: Limbaugh plays a clip where people boo Tim Bishop for saying "No one is talking about the government taking over health care" and is saying the dude is lying, not that the public option is the government taking over health care. And he's back to commercials again.

1:16 pm: DITTO players: liberals, polls

1:14 pm: DITTO players: New York Times, global warming

1:13 pm: I just listened to some crazy vet yell at Congressman Bishop about the VA system, and Limbaugh thinks you are smart and educated.

1:12 pm: DITTO players: Democrat

1:11 pm: Supposedly, Sebelius and Specter know they're lying about health care, and you're supposed to "know your place"

1:07 pm: He's ba-ack. He appreciates and respects his listeners, yo. But he has to unburden himself. Who the hell do I think I am? What makes me think that I deserve the same health care as Members of Congress? What do I do each day that is as important as Members of Congress? It's all a big sarcastic rant about how Democrats want to deny you good health care, only, you know, that's what Republicans are trying to do. He's also mentioned Pelosi, Reid, Sebelius, Obama and Frank again.

1:04 pm: Searching for something sharp and poke-y, as the mommy-care bitch is back. I think my roommate hid the scissors after she heard I was doing this.

1:01 pm: ABC newsbreak!

12:59 pm: Oh, Jesus, there is a "Hannity Freedom Concert," and Rush was just interrupted by a female diet commercial pill.

12:57 pm: Seriously, these commercials are going on forever. Is he fucking shooting up?

12:54 pm: The longest commercial break so far. Also, if I have to listen to this stupid woman talking about working from hom and giving her kids "mommy-care, not day-care" I might actually stab something in my ear.

12:45 pm: Seriously, the level that I care about the cash for clunkers program expired 7 minutes ago.

12:45 pm: DITTO players: stimulus (stimulate)

12:44 pm: DITTO players: John McCain, Republicans

12:42 pm: Rush isn't going to really bash the cash for clunkers program because his readers are using to to buy new SUVS, since "better" gas mileage is 22 mpg.

12:41 pm: DITTO players: subsidy

12:41 pm: Rush would like you to think that your taxes are going up.

12:40 pm: DITTO players: Larry Summers

12:39 pm: DITTO players: recession

12:38 pm: DITTO players: Tim Geithner, taxes

12:37 pm: DITTO players: health care (he's been saying insurance up until now)

12:36 pm: Rush has sped up Pelosi's voice to make her sound like a chipmunk.

12:35 pm: Rush wants you to ask what diseases/illnesses/drugs are covered and to what age. Because, by the way, that's the level of detail that goes into legislation and not HHS regulations.

12:35 pm: DITTO players: Harry Reid.

12:35 pm: He's got half his brain tied behind his back just to make it fair. For his listeners.

12:33 pm: There's now a commercial advocating that the government suspend all mortgages for a year and pay the banks for your mortgages. If, however, you rent, well, fuck you.

12:31 pm: I'm about ready to stop drinking and start mainlining Advil. This shit is giving me a headache. Anyone got a good recipe for an Advil cocktail?

12:29 pm: Rush wants you to know that Specter knows what's in the bill that hasn't been written yet so you should still boo him for not reading the bill. Also, then he craps on unions and Philadelphia.

12:28 pm: Seriously, Rush also says she's never been to the Real America. Of course, she's stuck up.

12:27 pm: Seriously, he's obsessed with Sebelius. He says she's contemptuous and part of a cabal.

12:27 pm: DITTO players: Barney Frank.

12:26 pm: Rush is claiming that Congress members are going on junkets instead of doing town halls, and saying none of them have read the bill. Also, that's stupid.

12:25 pm: Rush is playing audio of Sebelius getting booed for saying she was never a Member of Congress.

12:24: DITTO players: Nancy Pelosi

12:24: Commercial block #2 over, includes a PSA for Red Cross.

12:19: DITTO players: clunkers, Barack Obama.

12:18 pm: DITTO players: Sarah Palin

12:18 pm: "They're just mad that I look studly." GROSS

12:17 pm: He's not getting paid by the company, people. He's still really offended that people care about his weight loss. He doesn't think it's ironic that by the time I publish this, he'll have been talking about his diet for 11 minutes.

12:15 pm: He wants you to know, unlike the women on The View say, he's not taking appetite suppressants. But they want him dead. Seriously, 9 minutes of this?

12:11 pm: He refers to Dr. Maria Savard from GMA as their "medical babe." And now you know where all these Republicans think they have the right to bitch about any and everything. Also, I wish Rush would read Kate Harding's book Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere rather than shilling for this diet.

12:10 pm: Wait, we're still talking about his diet?

12:07 pm: Rush's mind is boggled. His producer is Cookie, and Good Morning America trashed Rush's diet and The View didn't like it either. This is the start.

12:05 pm: Five commercials and counting. At least one is a PSA. Rush-bo isn't even on yet!

12:00 pm It's ABC News time! Hoorah, I get a 2-minute reprieve from Rush.