Hopefully, President Obama reads Allure, because this month the mag presented shocking new economic data: since 1992 the Dow Jones Industrial Average has mirrored the ups and down of David and Victoria Beckham's hairstyles.
We actually can't make sense of the two-page chart below (Figs. 1 - 3), showing the length of David and Victoria Beckham's hair versus the Dow, but none of us have a degree in economics. The only pattern we can spot is that for the past two decades the Beckhams' have had hair on their heads and the stock market hasn't completely and utterly crashed. Therefore, we must conclude that, like modern day Sampsons, if they go bald, the country will suffer a complete meltdown. The bizarre hair theme continues in the fall fashion spread, in which one model poses as a hot pink wookie wielding a lightsaber (Fig. 4). Later, Amy Adams reveals she's actually a blonde, not a redhead, and Allure's editors punish her for this deception by giving her a Bride of Frankenstein hairdo and putting her in unflattering magenta eyeshadow. The only one who escapes Allure's wrath is Mad Men's Christina Hendricks (another blonde turned redhead) who explains how to look more like Joan on Mad Men (Fig. 5), which is pretty much the only beauty secret we were ever interested in. Below, we untangle the cover lies in this month's Allure.
Fig. 2 (Detail)
Fig. 3 (Detail)