During a time of great economic crisis (including 1.5 million unemployed women), Lindsay Lyon at US News & World Report has a suggestion as to what's important for women: keeping their unemployed, male partners happy.

That's why Lyons, working with couples therapist John Jacobs, has compiled a list of 5 ways women can help a man through this tough time. Jacobs recommends:

• Be his cheerleader, because men need to be rooted for.
• Don't push him to do anything, like talk about the feelings fueling his bad behavior (or how he needs to get off his ass and send out a resume or two.)
• Sit quietly, in case he decides to say something important to you.
• Make sure you don't stop sleeping with him. Men need sex.
• Don't place any blame on him for the state of your relationship.

This, despite the fact that Jacobs acknowledges explicitly that a man may well take his unemployment out on his partner and the relationship! In fact, if a guy's behavior changes, well, it's the woman's job to figure out how to deal with that... in addition to the increased financial responsibilities.

But the shift in family dynamics-and a guy's behavior-may significantly change the way wives feel about their situations: more burdened, more responsible, and less admiring of their other halves, whom many women still expect (even if only subconsciously) to be the primary wage earner.

Another shrink says the same thing: as the more emotionally-attuned person in the relationship, it's a woman's job to put up with male bullshit, even if said male is making no effort to contemplating what he's doing, or why.

But given that the capacity to earn a living remains one of the central struts of male self-esteem, "there's certainly data to demonstrate that unemployed men may not cope with [job loss] very well," says Jessica G. Schairer, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Los Angeles. "They tend to get more depressed." And withdrawn, despondent, and irritable, she adds. Women often misinterpret the signs of depression as anger towards them, which can make it very hard, if not impossible, to respond with what Schairer says their husbands actually need: "more love, compassion, and support-even if they're behaving like they're going to reject it."

Right. Well, during the last economic downturn, I was in a long-term, heading-for-marriage relationship when my partner's career started hitting the skids. In the 6 months before his department was eliminated, the writing was on the wall, but he didn't want to do anything about it. He refused additional responsibilities outside his official job description and went to work during only the bare minimum of hours. He didn't send out resumes, he didn't network, he didn't call a soul: he just came home and watched television or played computer games (and, I found out later, chatted up women he met on a dating site). He didn't want to listen to advice, he didn't want pep talks... he didn't even want help writing his resume.

Then he got laid off, with a multi-month severance package, the promise of good recommendations and his final semester of grad school tuition paid for. He decided to "find" himself. This involved: sleeping until noon; sitting around in his pajamas all day; not bathing; refusing to go out because he "didn't have the money"; a steadfast determination not to look for a new job unless it involved the Foreign Service or the Peace Corps despite their lack of provisions for spousal employment and long-term hiring windows; lots of online computer warfare games; no interest in speaking to me; potentially less interest in touching me; and an outright refusal to seek therapy, couples or otherwise. I rooted for him, I encouraged him, I tried to talk about his feelings and our relationship, I attempted to show physical affection despite near-constant rejection or perfunctory performance ("Oh, well, if I have to... are you done?"). And, at the end of the day: he wanted to be a jerk about it.

I understand depression and mental illness all too well, and I know the toll it can take on a relationship. But, at the end of the day, sufferers have to be able to look at the toll their behaviors are taking on their partners and relationships and do something.

Plus, no one's even been cuddled — or coddled — out of a depression. They have, however, learned that they can treat their partners like crap and get away with it when times are tough all around, and that is something no woman should have to put up with just because she's got the "emotional acuity" and he's the one lacking a job.

Recession Tip For Wives: Lay off Your Laid-off Husband [US News & World Report]

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