Every Wednesday, we play Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I gorge ourselves on the sugary, empty calories of the weekly tabloids so you don't have to. Treacly stuff from Us, Ok!, Star, Life & Style, and In Touch, ahead.
"Steamy Nights Together!" What's odd is that inside, there's really no mention of "steamy nights." The story is about how Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will "finally be reunited at Comic-Con." "Their Comic-Con reunion will be a real test." An insider says that Kristen's friends, including Runaways costar Dakota Fanning, told her she'd be CRAZY not to fight for Rob, because it's OBVIOUS she still loves him. "Her friends are insisting she look as hot as she can when she and Rob see each other, so he will fall head over heels in love with her all over again." Apparently she has a sexy sundress ready. It's all fabrication and speculation. Next: Diana Ross's 20-year-old son Evan Ross went to Michael Jackson's funeral in his mom's place and spoke to the magazine and says his mom is taking care of his sister Rhonda right now, because she is pregnant, and he's been hanging out with the Jackson kids. Jennifer Aniston went to the NYC boutique Only Hearts and bought $1100 worth of lingerie. The magazine prints this sentence: "Though she didn't reveal who the purchases were for, it probably wasn't Courteney Cox." Obviously it's for Gerard Butler! Also, a friend says "She's not acting like a schoolgirl with a crush on Gerard." But! Just a couple of weeks ago, she had a "schoolgirl crush" on Bradley Cooper. Lastly: Angelina Jolie is "fed up" with Brad Pitt's "expensive tastes." Brad's been buying "big boy toys" like motorcycles in addition to works of art and an ultra rare film stock called Kodak Tech Pan, which hasn't been made for years. Brad scours eBay for it, bid enormous sums and then has it flown by courier to whatever city he's in. The magazine says that Angelina, on the other hand, has no problem feeding the kids Hot Pockets and getting her coffee from Dunkin' Donuts.
Grade: F (Fruity Pebbles drowned in molasses with gumdrops on top)