The Orpheum Theatre's opening night gala for 2009 Outfest, the annual queer film festival, featured the Lane-Brolins, the Soto-Bratts, Lisa Kudrow, Chaz Bono, Christina Ricci, dad-rock jeans, and a whole lot of tight satin.

Why is it that Lisa Kudrow, of all the Friends, seems to possess the least taint? Is it living in France half the time? Is it elegant dresses like this? Is it the strange shoes? Is it some combination of Romy and Michelle and The Opposite of Sex?


Christina Ricci takes on two bold elements: pastel satin and a high neckline. While I envy her neither back rides nor the inevitable adjustments every time a photographer turns away.


Ditto Erika Alexander. Indeed, perhaps there should be an unofficial ban on satin dresses on the grounds of "reminiscent of What Not to Wear reveal outfit."


Benjamin Bratt and Talisa Soto are, obviously, a gorgeous couple. Too bad I can't tear my eyes away from his weirdly well-pressed dad jeans.


Michelle Krusiec's little frock is unexceptionable but these square-boxed sandals always give me bad junior-prom flashbacks. Which makes me wonder why even a 16-year-old who was me thought a vintage nightgown without a bra looked remotely like eveningwear.


Behold Brolin and Lane in celeb disguise, the kind that makes one immediately think "that's a celebrity" before you recognize them. In fact, as a public service, someone should really send a memo to Variety explaining that real people don't wear sunglasses and baseball caps, particularly indoors.


Lorielle New's getup compelled me to visit her website, which features smooth music, describes her as "a hardworking Hollywood actress" and features live chat with her every day at 5.


This is, we believe, Chaz Bono's first public appearance since announcing his transition; girlfriend Jennifer was in attendance, too.


[Images via Getty]