Misogynist Mad Libs: Synthetic Sperm EditionS

Over time, we've noticed that wacked-out screeds against the dangers of feminism start to sound kind of similar. Inspired by Hortense's ladymag madlibs, we've created a template so can make your own antifeminist panic piece, anytime you want!

Today's Mad Lib is brought to you by Olivia St. John, who thinks Sarah Palin needs to join "her conservative sisters nursing babies at home," and Neil Lydon, who thinks that now that we have synthetic sperm, feminists want to get rid of all men.

Something overwrought adjective happened today — something that will shake geographical location (the bigger the better) to its core. Person (such as a woman, a scientist, or, for bonus points, a woman scientist) announced something seemingly innocuous. Women are trying to take over the world!

For evidence, we need only look to totally non-credible source:

"Men su7#@k!" says a commenter on large, poorly moderated website, such as YouTube.

"All women should band together to enslave their male inferiors," says writer of obscure 1950s book.

If these influential voices are not enough, consider today's bankrupt culture, in which women any verb that is not "gestate" and men any verb that is not "hunt," "conquer," or "bludgeon." In which woman (bonus if not remotely a feminist) can independent act, yet Ronald Reagan is allowed to die!

As the Bible says, verse (bonus points if it mentions submission, Eve, or the Virgin Mary; minus points for Mary Magdalene). And as ill-defined group such as "some people" have warned, vague alarmist statement.

What will happen to the men of the world if these weird, outdated term for "women" are allowed to take control? What will happen to our values? The only solution is for women like female public figure who is not Ann Coulter to get back in the small, restrictive space so that they can return to euphemism for breastfeeding and men can return to euphemism for bludgeoning.

Triple bonus for including the words "hoar-gnarled," "flibbertygibbet" and "womb."

Synthetic Sperm Brings Mad Feminist Dream A Step Closer [The First Post]

Earlier: Conservative Scribe Is Thankful Sarah Palin Is Headed Home Where She Belongs