Denmark is very socially progressive—the first country to legalize pornography and same-sex unions—so it's fitting that a Danish author, Per Holm Knudsen, wrote How a Baby Is Made, an incredibly detailed children's book that depicts penetration and crowning.

'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

Originally titled The True Story of How Babies are Made, the book was first published in 1973.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

This is a baby.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

This is the baby's parents, both of whom are fond of horizontal stripes.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

Mom's carpet matches the curtains.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

The father's definition of "large" seems relative, if not completely inaccurate, but the mother is OK with that, because the large ones kind of hurt anyway.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

Danish kissing is just like French kissing, minus the tongues.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

Shrinkage can be a problem for some men, but Danish kissing can take the focus away from the crotch. Magicians refer to this as "redirection."


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

When parents are very much in love, they hang out together in the nude.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

Like all the time.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

And the vagina in the middle of the father's chest doesn't even freak out the mother.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

The father, however, is sometimes freaked out by the mother's see-thru belly.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

But that's no reason to put on clothes.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

After all, passionless nudity is natural.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

But when it's time to go to the hospital, the parents have to put on the clothes they removed nine months earlier.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

Because it would've been weird to drive around naked, even if they do own a hippie love van, and people in town expect that kind of thing from them.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

The mother appears unperturbed by labor pains, or the fact that her doctor has blood-drenched shoes.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

The doctor nervously grips the candlestick holder that he bought at Ikea, and prepares himself for the worst, in case the baby is evil and needs to be clubbed.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

The baby exits the vagina kind of drunk. Luckily he isn't a violent drunk, but one of those happy drunks who just wants to hug everyone in the room. The doctor feels relieved about this.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

The father, a known nudist, would like to remove his clothing like the rest of his family, but the doctor, whose behavior has been odd, won't leave the room.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

The family is happy to be at home, and the father is happy to see a breast, even though he isn't the one who gets to suck on it.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

Their friends and relatives, although happy about the baby, are not pictured here because they don't want their names or faces to be associated with any of this.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

Real talk.


'70s European Children's Book Depicts Penetration, CrowningS

If you view this sideways, it looks like a tampon exiting a vagina, which is kind of the opposite of a sperm going into an egg. So this is like one of those optical illusion illustrations on display at the Franklin Institute.


YOU GETTIN' THIS? [12 oz. Prophet]