Hey lady friends, have you ever sat through a "bromance" film like Knocked Up or The Hangover and thought, "Wow, I totally relate to the women in this film!" No? Not ever? Well let's take a quiz about it anyway!
Question 1: Where Is Your Boyfriend/Husband/Fiance Right Now?
- a. He's right here on the couch next to me, where he belongs, because true love means forcing your boyfriend to sit on the couch and take quizzes with you.
- b. He's off doing something that I'm sure is very important...to him. In the meantime I think I'll spend some purely platonic time with this stranger I just met who seems to have a great outlook on life.
- c. Who knows? Probably screwing up somewhere, because all men are stupid and they ruin everything and can't grow up or do anything right. He is so below me. Why do I even bother?
- d. I don't have a boyfriend, I just know this guy and we like to have adventures, man. Putting labels on things just takes the magic out of it. I learned that from this band we both like a lot.
- e. I just like to have a lot of sex with everyone, with no strings attached. Isn't that crazy? A sexually active woman? I know! It's like, who do I think I am, a guy or something? Crazy!
- f. Golly, I hope he's getting ready for our wedding. We're getting married! It's going to be the best day of our lives.
Question 2: Your boyfriend/fiance/husband wants to go away with his boys for the weekend. Do you trust him?
- a. He's not going anywhere.
- b. I mean, sure. Yeah. Well...yeah. I mean. Sure. I guess. Why not. I mean...yeah. We've been together a long time, so...okay.
- c. No, but he's gonna go anyway because he's a stupid jerk who can't grow the fuck up and be a man.
- d. Of course, man. He needs to just go, you know? He needs to be and live. I'll make him a mixtape for the trip.
- e. Sure! I'll even give him the number of a few of my friends who will show him a good time. Meow! Let's talk about sex some more because it's so crazy to talk about!
- f. Well sure, because we're so in love and we're getting married. See? Here's my ring! I'm getting married!
Question 3: It's Girls' Night Out! What Are Your Plans?
- a. I'm meeting with my book club. The current discussion is about a book called "How To Humiliate Your Man Into Complete Submission." It's good. I know because I wrote it.
- b. I'll probably just stay in, hang out with my sister, maybe walk along the beach with a charming stranger who represents everything my fiance isn't. You know, whatevs.
- c. I'll do all of the shit that my stupid boyfriend was supposed to do but didn't because he's an idiot who can't do anything right. Like I have time for girls' night out. GTFO out of here, you stupid asshole.
- d. I don't have any friends, unless you count my imaginary friend Goopbert, who lives in a tiny hole inside of my brain. He's magical and special and he only comes out when true love is in the air.
- e. Oh I have a lot of friends...a LOT of friends. If you know what I mean. I mean I like to sleep with people a lot. Sexually. Like I like to have sex. Isn't that crazy?!
- f. I'm going to have a party wherein my girlfriends will come over and we will embrace every cliche about women, ever. I will also be sure to talk about my wedding at least 900 times, in between conversations about shoes and blow jobs and Sex and the City.
Question 4: Where Do You See Yourself In 10 Years?
- a. With a husband who no longer has the will to fight back and three beautiful, extremely well-behaved children.
- b. I mean, the plan is to marry my fiance...which is a good plan...I think. I mean, yeah. I'm sure it is. We've been together for a really long time, so...you know.
- c. Oh, I don't know, in jail, maybe, for going on a rampage? What the fuck do you care, asshole? You stupid, penis-having sack of shit asshole!
- d. I live in the moment, man. That's where the really magical things happen. It also helps to have a whiny douchebag boy around to have to save, but whatever, man.
- e. Cougar town, baby!
- f. MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Question 5: Who Is Your Role Model?
- a. The Queen of Hearts
- b. I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything anymore.
- c. Would you shut the fuck up and stop asking me questions? I have more important things to do than deal with your idiotic bullshit.
- d. Drew Barrymore. Or Goolsbert's girlfriend, Princess Starryhearts.
- e. Angelina Jolie. Everyone wants to have sex with her! And she's like, a good person, too, right? Can you believe that's possible? A woman who like, has a soul and also likes to have sex? I know! I know man! Fucking weird, right?
- f. Mother Teresa. Oh no wait, she wasn't married, was she?
Stay tuned for the results!