The array of whimsical toppers at Ascot's Opening Day, the Oscars of Hats, led us to inaugurate the first annual Arbitrary Hat Awards, cause who doesn't like being gratuitously judgey?

Pippi Longstocking Memorial Award for Excellence in Braiding.


Lifetime Achievement Award


The Creationist Award for Excellence in Literalism


The Edgard Allen Poe Memorial Award


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The Gamfield Award in Chimney Sweeping Possibilities


The Frank Lloyd Wright Award for Excellence in Form and Function


The Martha Stewart Award for Excellence in Ribbon-Curling.


The Alice Waters Award in Locavore Excellence


The Ray Krok Convenience in Snacking Award


The Pulitzer Award for Hard-Hitting Timeliness in Chapeaux


The Obligatory Award For All Royal Cousins in a Position to Introduce People to Princes, Even If That's Not as Exciting as That Used to Be Award


The Clark Kent Award fro Excellence in Crappy Disguises


The Inbred Talent for Looking Natural in Top Hat Award


The Henry Higgins' Mother Award for Wearing a Pink Hat to Ascot.

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[Images via Getty]