Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we learn that Britney's engaged; Kate's a distracted mom and The Hills makes you bulimic.
"Obsessed With Each Other."
He's is in New York shooting Remember Me and she's is in L.A. shooting The Runaways, but Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are constantly calling and texting each other. Rob invited Kristen and new BFF Dakota Fanning to come and hang out with him in NY one weekend — his treat. An insider says of Kristen's boyfriend Michael Angarano: "While Dakota likes Michael, and he's really sweet to her, she's on Team Rob." Yet! Michael isn't ready to give up on Kristen — he is "re-romancing" her and wrote her a song, which he played to her on his guitar. Lastly: Has Britney met Mr. Right? Her agent, Jason Trawick is "fiercely protective" of her, but another insider says Jason only hangs around Brit because he's protecting his investment. "Britney's dad pays him a lot of money," says a source.
Grade: F (cigarette burn)
Life & Style
"It's Official! Yes, We're Dating."
Interesting cover line, since at no point in this magazine does either Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart say that they are dating. In fact, there's anecdote about Rob hanging out and going back to his hotel with Emilie de Ravin. (She's in Remember Me, so they're probably staying at the same hotel, but whatever.) Moving on: Katie Holmes is "pushing Tom aside" by focusing on her dancing. "Dancing for her is about independence," an insider says. "She needs to keep life interesting." Miley Cyrus has dumped Justin Gaston for Nick Jonas, who is a better choice because he wears clothes (Fig. 1). Denise Richards tells the mag "Why I Had Three Boob Jobs." She went from an A cup to a C to a double D and now down to a B — her first surgery was in 1991 when she was only 19. She says, "I wish I'd waited. I wish I hadn't done it. There are so many things that enhance your chest these days without surgery." She talks about scar tissue and implant hardness and says she doesn't like to be put under — well why would you have elective surgery? Anyway she still has implants, they're just smaller, and "fit her body." You know what else would fit her body? The ones she was meant to have. Next: Kate of Jon & Kate fame is caught on camera hitting (spanking) her daughter. Horrors! Kate says (through a Bravo rep): "Whether the paparazzi are there or not, I am a mother first… I love my children, and when they misbehave, I discipline them as I deem appropriate for the situation." Also inside: Gisele is three months pregnant. Oh, look: A picture of Megan Fox before she was famous (Fig. 2). Kristin Cavallari admits that The Hills is pretty fake: "When the cameras are rolling, its fun to play it up," she says: "I'm having a good time playing the part — but I really do think of myself as a good person." This week in Dr. Rey's Casebook (Fig. 3), it's "Whose Nose Fits Her Face Best?" Kate Hudson's nose "would look cuter" with Carrie Underwood's tip. Fergie's nose "could use some slimming." The funny thing is that both of these ladies probably already had work done, right? Lastly: Don't miss the "Stars' Figure Flaws Fixed" pages, in which "flaws" include "pear-shaped," "tall," and "athletic."
Grade: D (punching in stomach)
"Caught Hitting Her Daughter."
Exclusive photos! Kate Gosselin smacked her kid on the bottom. She was on the phone and Leah was blowing her whistle and Kate told her to stop — Kate said "Did you hear me?" stormed over, grabbed the kid and then "hit" her. Then "Leah grabbed her bottom in pain." Then there's a sidebar pictures illustrating how Kate is always distracted by her phone. "Kate might be too selfish to take care of all these kids," says a child psychiatrist who does not treat anyone involved. The mag talks to someone from Project No Spank, and you guess what they think. Next: A six-page story titled "Bad Plastic Surgery — Fixed?" Britney Spears had her implants too soon and regretted it! Jessica Simpson used "that Restylane stuff" and her lips were too big! Heather Locklear was puffy; Madonna's cheek implants gave her a "sucking on a lemon" look. (Fig. 4). In Brangelinaston news, Brad Pitt went to Jennifer Aniston's house because he has a "passion for architecture" and wanted to check it out. Jen "may have had ulterior motives," though, because when Brad showed up, Jen emailed a friend saying, "He's here! Wish me luck!" Jen showed Brad around and "babbled nonstop" about the windows and details. "Sensing she was nervous, Brad touched her shoulder and said warmly, 'This place is fantastic.'" Then they chatted about "everything and nothing." According to the mag, "She told him that she missed him, and he told her that they'll make up for all the time they've lost over the last few years." WAIT, WHAT? LOL. He also told her he loved her, but "said it like friend." "But it still made Jen's stomach drop." Moving on: LeAnn Rimes has told her husband that she's ready to file for divorce. Katie Holmes "Can't Get Out Of Her Style Rut," (Fig. 5). A therapist named Dr. Wanis, who does not treat Katie, says: "When a woman dresses down, she isn't feeling good about herself. There has to be something missing in her life." Hear that? If you're wearing jeans and a knit hat, your life is incomplete!
Grade: D+ (slapping face)
"The Hills Made Me Bulimic."
This is a tragic tale of how Stephanie Pratt started bingeing and purging once she was on the show. She says: "I thought, the camera adds ten pounds, I need to lose ten pounds… I became obsessed with spray-tanning because I thought being tan made you look thinner… I would wake up in a good mood, and I would try to eat thin —" this involved eating balsamic vinegar and drinking water with cayenne pepper — "and then I would read some blog." The blogs called her She-Pratt and said she needed to quit the show and go to the gym. Right before The Hills crew would show up, she would eat a pizza, then a grilled cheese and french fries, "I would be sitting in my room stuffing it down, not even tasting it," she says. "And then I'd go and throw up and I'd let them in while I was brushing my teeth. It was the only thing that felt good." She says having pool parties on the show made her self-conscious. "I think it's better to be called too skinny than too fat," she says. "I think fat is one of the most hurtful things you can call a girl." Moving on: Britney Spears and Jason Trawick sleep in the same hotel room when traveling — Jason checks into another room but then sneaks in. Oh, look, Megan Fox's "Crazy Quotes" (Fig. 6). Where have we seen that before? Lastly: Pink and Carey Hart plan on renewing their vows later this year, aww.
Grade: C (spanking bottom)