Air Sex: Where Copulation Meets Comedy

When I first heard about the Air Sex Championships - yes, mimed sex - I thought it an awesome-sounding evening outing: interesting people, some costumed, writhing in fake ecstasy for quasi-fame and no fortune. Then organizers asked me to judge.

Last Friday night, I sat for two hours at New York's Highline Ballroom with three other judges (Victoria Zdorak, Penthouse advice columnist), Coney Island Circus performer Heather Holliday and emcee Joel Keith) and watched people pretend-fuck. Thankfully, the pictures are finally in. We were asked to judge 12 acts on their performances -- 8 female, and 4 male acts. Each contestant got a song of his or her choice, wasn't allowed to get naked and was judged on his or her performance in terms of pantomime itself and "sex" skills. Although Joel Keith managed to capture most of the performers on camera, I'll admit we're missing pictures of the 3-woman act "Ode to New Zealand," who pantomimed copulating with (and then eviscerating) a sheep and "Backseat Betty," who gave a decently realistic (and impromptu!) performance of bad sex in a car.

Interestingly, most of the men went for the funny bone while the women went for a combination of comedy, titillation and absurdity. After the show, I asked a male friend what he thought. He agreed with me that the comedy bits were far more worthy of praise than the ones designed to arouse the crowd, likening the whole thing to karaoke: "The thing I hate about karaoke is going in there and someone is trying to nail a Mariah Carey song like they're about to be discovered," he said. "I'd rather watch a drunk guy sing the Spice Girls." Luckily, at this event, there were far more drunk guys singing the Spice Girls.