Sienna Miller is in the new shitty-looking GI Joe movie, so naturally she's on the July cover of Vogue. Honestly? The fact that Sienna's on the cover (again) — and the story inside — is why Vogue is so nauseating.
Writer Jonathan Van Meter calls Sienna "tiny, blonde, blue-eyed," and "just about as fetching as a girl can be." Duh. That is why she is on the cover. Models rarely get covers; actresses do. Are there better-known actresses? Are there better actresses? Yes, yes. Sienna has never been nominated for a Golden Globe or an Oscar — unlike, say, Viola Davis or Taraji P. Henson. But for Vogue, the more model-esque (white! conventionally pretty! hopefully blonde!) the actress, the better. (Paging Vogue fave Kate Bosworth!) And we all know that Vogue's Anna Wintour loves skinny women, especially Brits: Why else do you think Keira Knightley's had a cover every year since 2005? Being blonde, thin and British, Sienna is exactly the kind of woman Vogue thinks its readers care about... No matter that GI Joe is not exactly a Vogue-friendly project.
No, wait! She's not on the cover because she's thin! It's because she is admirable. Writes Van Meter:
Miller is nothing if not brave. After all, she has long been battling the perception that she is, variously, a superficial party girl, a quirky fashion plate, an almost famous indie regular with no box-office clout, Jude Law's ex-girlfriend, or all of the above. "We have to be honest about it," says Miller of her reputation. "It's pretty bad. On the whole, you know, I've made some bad choices and done some stupid things." In other words: It is high time for a bold move. Or two.
Playing the Baroness, a cartoony villain in an action film, might seem at first like an ill-conceived strategy for a makeover. Guns and black leather? Rilly? But on closer inspection, it starts to look very clever indeed. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is based not on the G.I. Joe action figure of the sixties but on the wildly popular eighties Marvel Comics book series and television cartoon.
Sorry, what? Being in GI Joe is clever? Okay…
But what about the fact that she was engaged to Jude Law, who cheated on her with the nanny, and then hooked up with Balthazar Getty, who was married at the time? Sienna says:
"I've actually never been taken on a date in my whole life. I have never had a one-night stand. I'm a real relationship person-contrary to public perception. I'm either in one or I'm not. I get kind of emotionally involved very quickly, and I'm not going to spend time with someone unless I love them. But it's not hard for me to fall in love."
Right. Out of your control. Sure. Well, in any case, Anna Wintour allegedly bitched about Sienna's September 2007 cover, calling the actress "toothy" and complaining that Sienna needed a haircut. So maybe this is Vogue's (and Anna's) way of saying "Sorry."
For these keeping track at home, here's Sienna's first Vogue cover:
And here's the Photoshop of Horrors headswappy "toothy" September 2007 cover:
What do you think they'll come up with next year?