Innocence Project: What Search Doesn't Bring Up Porn These Days?

In our experience? Not too many. But we've compiled the definitive "safe word" list, cause we're servicey like that! (Note: never, ever look up "NSFW." They take it very literally.)

In our line of work, we do a lot of image-searches, for all kinds of things. Now, there are certain keywords - "girl," "kitten," "doll," anything having to do with camping - that you know are gonna result in a blitz of NSFW, and that's just the way the cookie crumbles. (Note: avoid "pregnant teenager" and "menstruation" if at all possible.) And then there are the things that take you by surprise. Like, when I searched "crying bride" - looking for an image to illustrate a post on depressing wedding coverage - and ended up learning that "the weeping bride" is apparently a popular position in a certain subset of GoG. The more you know! Coworkers report horrifying results from the seemingly innocuous "ponytails" and "homework" and, says Megan, "'woman wearing jeans' and 'adopted Chinese girls' are particularly seared into my brain."

With this is mind, we couldn't help but wonder: is there any phrase innocent enough to confound the porn elves of Google Images? ("Innocent" naturally brings up a lot of seductions and deflowerings.) After much trial and error - "rainbows" obviously equals a bare-assed chick in a pair of striped knee socks; you're safe for the first page of "mustard," and "meninkilts.com" disqualified the seeming front-runner "tartan" - we compiled the following definitive SFW list:

"floral china patterns"

"Puppies"

"birch bark canoe"

"Graham Crackers"

"Queen Victoria"

"yarn"

"gladiolas"

"wide-ruled notebook"

"Unicorn"

"Demijohn barrel"

Happy hunting!