Here in the Northern Hemisphere, the weather is warming up and the new Urban Outfitters catalog has arrived, chock-full of gruesome garments for the self-loathing hipster in you.
Tired of having to "fake" the mutant-moth look? Don't spend another late night laboring over a T-shirt with a pair of scissors. Just get the "Evil genius destroyed tee," a steal at $42. Is it a commentary on this threadbare life we lead in an era of downsized companies, economic hardship and corporate bailouts? No. It's not.
Quit trying to make harem pants happen! Look, you may think you look like the heir to a Swiss chocolate fortune who's going dancing in Ibiza or needs a cover-up over your bikini when driving your moped from one side of Mallorca to the other when you wear these. But actually, you look like you've shit yourself and need to change your diaper. Trust.
Have there ever been two more terrifying words than "watercolor leggings" ? Eyesores! And the "hooking-my-way-through-Ancient-Rome" shoes only make it worse.