Despite its Style Ethics page and photoshoot of Cameron Diaz in organic hemps and cottons, the green this month's Vogue really cares about comes from a wallet, not a tree.

We get that Vogue is trying — several items in Diaz's gruel-toned shoot are under $100. And the bikini Gisele Bundchen sports in Style Ethics is a relatively sane $120 — but it's 100% cotton, so its designer admits it may not stand up all that well to actual swimming. Ultimately, Vogue's affordable and sustainable offerings end up looking like window-dressing for the real stuff — an $11,495 bachelorette-party dress, and a $5,000 treatment to tighten the skin in "flab-prone areas" by "bulk-heating." Because nothing looks better under that cotton bikini than a char-broiled ass.

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