A Website For People Without Text Messaging (Or Ex-Lovers)S

According to Moses Brown, founder of OnlineBootyCall.com, booty calls are "the casual dating phenomenon taking America by storm." Apparently, this Moses is looking to part the reddish seas for men who missed the '90s.

Moses' PR guru — the Aaron to help him hold alight his staff, perhaps? — Jennifer Olson, e-mailed us today to let us know that their users are clustered (in their mothers' basements) in 10 urban areas: New York; L.A.; Chicago; Houston, Atlanta; Philadelphia; Jacksonville, North Carolina ("home to Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune and Marine Corps Air Station New River"); San Diego; Columbus; and Dallas. We'd tell our readers to watch out, but since these dudes are using the Internet to arrange booty calls, we're assuming they don't get out that much.

The genius of this service, like AdultFriendFinder and nearly of hundreds of other similar services before it, is that it can help users find a "casual, fun dating experience where they're in control and expectations are set right up front," which is PR guru speak for "we swear, if you pay us, eventually we'll match you with someone equally desperate and you'll both get laid." Quality results are not guaranteed, obviously.

The thing is, booty calls have been around a very long time. I had my first in 1998, when I spontaneously drunk-dialed an ex one night and he drunkenly answered. That is a booty call: a spontaneous, often-intoxicant inspired phone call (it was 1998) or text message for the sole purpose of having sex with someone you've slept with before that was (you vaguely recall) relatively good at it. It is rarely, if ever, successful with someone that you haven't slept with and it is not — I repeat, not — the same thing as setting up a sex-date with someone online. I don't know why Moses and Jennifer are trying to ruin booty calls for those of us with the social skills to keep a little black book for the dry spells, but they clearly need to be stopped.