The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Spring has sprung! And where else do we turn for stylish warm-weather duds than the faded, stained pages of this 1972 Sears catalog? Polyester, nylon and "qiana," after the jump!

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

The gentleman behind this posse of ladies is clearly intimidated by their matchy-matchy ensembles, which feature "wide ribbed texture." These pieces are made of Dacron™, Fortrel™, and poly-cotton blends. Props for the awesome Afro and the extremely patriotic vinyl shoes.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

I love everything about this image, including the Angels & Demons Illuminati-esque red "beach shift," in oh-so-breathable acrylic/polyester knit. But the best part is that the "lobster" is an illustration that was added later. Even before Photoshop there was image tinkering!

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Primary colors FTW!

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

First, I'm fairly sure that if you go to any crafty, hipstery part of town, you can find some version of each of these outfits. Second: Please note that red, white and blue were the colors of Spring 1972. Nixon was president and Watergate didn't break until mid-June, so everyone was all, USA! USA! Third, the red and white anchor pattern on the far right is the exact pattern of the curtains my parents had in their red and white Volkswagen minibus when I was a kid. True facts.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Maybe I am turning into a big old fuddy-duddy, but these swimsuits are so much more fun than the skimptastic ones in Lucky.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Seriously, look how cute. And you could actually swim without showing the fish an areola or pube.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

More red, white & blue. Also: A Jumpsuit! Peeing involves removing a belt and shimmying a scoopneck neckline around your knees.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

When they say "bazaar jeans," they mean "bizarre jeans," no?

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Someone here thinks she is a Very Serious Model. Hint: The Brunette. She has Big Plans and they don't involve Sears, or "boy cut jeans."

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

She is working. This could be her big break! Yellow plaid pants be damned!

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

More super adorable swimwear, a steal at $6 per piece.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

There she is again, on the far left. She's gonna be a star, dammit!

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Um, I want the blue coat with the white trim. $22.97 seems like a good deal.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

I used to have a "qiana" shirt I got at a vintage store. Did it have the "luxury of silk"? Well, it was silky, but it was POLYESTER. It was the hottest piece of clothing I ever owned. Just putting it on ensured that pit stains would appear under my arms. Why anyone would fabricate a long-sleeved dress out of that stuff is unfathomable. And $25 seems steep!

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Fairly sure I saw this lady at the bank last week. As a teller. Same hair and outfit but 36 years older.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Hey! Is your Dacron, Qiana and polyester not really warm enough? Add a shawl! Not just any shawl, a Versa-Shawl. In "soft acrylic and nylon." Wearing near an open flame not recommended.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Knocked up? Don't worry, there's plenty of polyester for you, too.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Plus: Maternity girdles. "Gives you the support you need while you're pregnant." Would that be financial? Emotional? Oh, and re: the girdle with garters "For A First Pregnancy": I don't know what that means, but I don't know that I want to know.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

You call them "Cover-Ups," I call them "the perfect blogging outfits." The UPS guy will see me as a lady of leisure and not just a slob!

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

The trussing on girdles like this always reminds me of meat. But this just isn't any old support: It's scientific.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Wow. Those wigs all get points for sheer vertical achievement.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

My new all-chick punk band is called The Crushables. Starting now.

The Best Sears Women's Fashions For Spring & Summer …Of 1972

Just in time for summer: Workouts where you just stand there, or, better yet: Lie down.

Earlier: The Best & Worst Of 'International Male,' Summer 1986
The International Male 1986 Holiday Catalog: The Recockulous Jackpot!