Today, Pandagon's Jesse Taylor takes a peek behind the looking glass only to discover that, in Real America, Plan B is for sluts and the dudes who assault them.
Taylor caught conservative Robert Stacy McCain
mid-masturbatory fantasy envisioning the consequences of a world in which a 17-year-old woman can get Plan B without a prescription:
Plan B - the drug that allows guys to breathe a sigh of relief the morning after using some chick for selfish pleasure-will now be available to 17-year-olds without a prescription.
Who cares that she's not even old enough to buy a pack of cigarettes legally? Get her drunk on wine coolers, get what you want, then the next morning, take her to CVS to get Plan B and make sure there's no chance the slut will show up in a few months talking child support payments and DNA tests.
So guys, if you screw a 17-year-old and "forget" to use a condom, remember: Nothing says "thanks a lot, you cheap whore" like the gift of Plan B!
Gross. In Robert Stacy McCain's world, women (and certainly those of the age of 17) have no sexual autonomy and the men who engage in sexual intercourse with them have no interest in them as people, no feelings for them as partners and no thought of protecting them (or themselves). On behalf of my high school boyfriend, fuck this guy.
Taylor's response, I'll admit, is somewhat more eloquent than mine.
While I'm never one to say inflammatory things, it seems that part of the reason that some women get abortions (which Plan B is not, mind you) is because of the overwhelming and disproportionate social shaming that comes with getting pregnant the "wrong" way. Women as baby-carriers must be virtuous, pure; to interfere with that image is to abandon their responsibility of stopping Raging Penis Monsters from getting in their panties. It turns a biological state into an ethical duty in the worst manner possible, either making a woman a bitch who ain't shit but a ho and/or trick, or into a shining Republican Christian beacon of responsible fertility and excellence in leadership, potentially up for Regional Vagina Manager of the Year.
Taylor hits the nail on the head. In the eyes of many Republicans, women who mistakenly get pregnant are stupid whores or out for the cash money (see also: welfare queens and pregnant teenagers) and those who "successfully" manage their fertility by not engaging in too much sex or contraception are to be commended.
Luckily, for the drunken 17-year-old sluts of Mr. McCain's fantasies, today's Onion presents Plan C.
Reduces the chance of aborting pregnancy after unprotected sex (i.e., if a regular birth control method succeeds and you have a sudden dramatic change of heart). Not intended to replace responsible choices in life.
It's always scary when The Onion's parodies sound a little too similar to real Republican ideas.