Not only is "A Month Of Outfits" in the May issue of Lucky for the skinny who live in warm climates, it's for the very rich.

Of course the feature is supposed to be inspirational. Or aspirational. But while some of the outfits are lovely, others are ridiculous. This "Uptown Classic" is fine. Nice, even.

What temperature is it that both "Undone Ladylike" and "Breezy Seductive" are appropriate? Also, the only place to go wearing that "Breezy Seductive" getup is to bed. In other news, the "'80s Minimalist" pants flatter no one, which is why we left them in the '80s.

Advertisement

You'd better love your arms and thighs if you want to rock that "Comfortably Cute" ensemble. The horizontal stripes on "Sleek Yet Slouchy" ruin it, in my opinion, and you basically have to be a model to get away with a belted tiered skirt ("Chicly Countrified"). Also, "Feminine And Fresh" has that not-so-fresh feeling. We've seen a navy skirt with a white tee before.

I can tell you right now that the blousy top and wide pants of "Neatly Offhand" will make me look even bigger than I already am. "Tomboyish Safari" is a joke, right? "Urbane Nautical" is pretty, though.

Sponsored

No and no.

And here we have "The Closet." The "38 Items You'll Want Right Now." Let's add it up, shall we?

  • pencil skirt: $750
  • tube skirt: $49
  • mini skirt: $200
  • boyfriend blazer: $270
  • cropped jacket: $198
  • tie jacket: $178
  • maxi skirt: $99
  • skinny belt: $25
  • asymmetrical dress: $365
  • sheath: $187
  • belt: $64
  • chain: $370
  • ring: $68
  • earrings: $78
  • bangles: $7
  • necklace: $98
  • trousers: $245
  • pleated pants: $242
  • blouse $109
  • shell: 175
  • tank: $18
  • vest: $109
  • shirt: $69
  • top: $175
  • tee: $172
  • cardigan: $195
  • leopard dress: $160
  • clutch: $285
  • satchel: $60
  • hobo bag: $179
  • clutch: $169
  • scarf: $30
  • thongs: $79
  • pumps: $75
  • booties: $27
  • platforms: $250
  • flats: $36
  • tank dress: $288
  • TOTAL: $6,153

That's just for one month — in June, you're on your own!