• Scientists have found that male chimpanzees exchange meat for sex with lady chimps. Does this mean it really is the oldest profession? •

• A study from the University of Texas on the sexual practices of middle school students has found that by the age of 12, 12% of the students had already had vaginal sex, and 6.5% had done anal. Shit, what happened to holding hands? •  Via Videogum is this awkward ad for the Biffy bidet in which several mad-eyed woman proclaim excitedly "I love my Biffy!" • A 12-year-old Canadian girl recently sued her father for grounding her, and won. • Researchers at the University of Denver have proved that the cliche about how having kids strains a marriage is actually true. • Melanoma has overtaken cervical cancer as the top cancer among UK women in the 20s, a new study reports. • This Monday, we mentioned the case of James Harrison, who shot and killed five of his children. Today there are reports of another tragedy: Kevin Garner, who was set to start divorce proceedings today, murdered his wife, his daughter and two relatives before committing suicide. • A Texas woman called 911 yesterday to complain that she did not get enough shrimp in her fried rice. • A new study has found that oral contraceptives are associated with an increased risk of lupus among women aged 18-45. • Ugh: A "study" funded by weight management supplement LIPObind, has found that half of British women have "muffin tops." I can't wait for that term to die. • An ad for Durex "pleasure gel" that features multiple women apparently orgasming while Mozart's Magic Flute plays in the background has been cleared to play before 11pm on British television. • Turns out, this whole "sexting" media craze may be unfounded, the Wall Street Journal reports. • Two men have been sentenced for video-taping their wives stripping at a WWI memorial in France. The wives have been charged with indecent exposure and the men are facing suspended prison sentences. • Fiat has built a one-off version of their 500 model for Barbie's 50th birthday. It is very pink. • Nearly 40% of babies born within the U.S. in 2007 were delivered to unwed mothers, the National Center for Health reports. • Some teachers are advocating for a homework ban for children under 11 because it is "a waste of children's time [and] teachers' time". • Aw, interspecies cuddling is the most heartwarming thing. Here is a story about a pig and a tiger who are best friends.•  Click here to listen to an mp3 of Karinne Keithley playing "Sweet Child of Mine" on the ukulele (you wont regret it). • Meet Susan Newton, a woman who has such an extreme phobia of fried eggs that she collapses upon seeing them. • And to finish up your hump day, a live feed of a 7-hour-old baby squirrel. • 

Send an email to Katy Kelleher, the author of this post, at katy@jezebel.com.