On last night's Toddlers & Tiaras, a daughterless pageant mom said of her young sons,"I'll just turn 'em into girls." She claims this is harmless, because she has a background in childhood development.



The result is that she's kind of forcing her 2-year-old Maverick and 3-year-old Hayden into gender roles they may not be naturally attracted to. This is most likely harmless, but it would certainly seem to be affecting their development, in the way of a lack of wrist rigidity.

The pageant featured on last night's episode was the Texas Walk of Fame. It's a glitz pageant, which its director said is "more competitive. The judges are more qualified. They must know what they're looking for."

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However, this lady was a judge, and she seemed totally unqualified and no idea what the fuck was going on.

She said, "This is my first glitz pageant. I'm looking for children that look natural. That look like a child, not like a miniature adult."

Yeah, good luck with that, lady. Particularly when some kids have stepped it up so much, that they pretend to be pregnant on stage. What's cuter than a baby? A baby havin' a baby!

Another contestant in the Texas Walk of Fame pageant was 5-year-old Faith.

I just want to call her Face, because I love the ones she makes.

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She totally knows it, too.

She's a little bit salty.

And she states her mind.

She doesn't look as much like a beauty queen as she does someone from Queens. She looks like those middle-aged women who converse with their neighbors by standing on their front stoops and yelling across the street. All she needs is a Virginia Slim in her mouth.

But she's not about the glitz or the glory. She's in it for the cash.

Face's mother is your typical stage mom. She's very competitive about other mothers/children, and she has a website for her daughter to promote her "modeling" career. Here's a sample shot from that site.

Maybe she can get some horror movie work. Face's mom said that the site has gained a lot of popularity, and she has added a section where people can leave comments. Unfortunately (for me), the comments are only sent to Face's mom and can't be viewed, publicly. However, that doesn't stop anonymous commenters from being negative.

Face's mom doesn't care, though. Or so she says.

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Face's (and her mom's) competition was 4-year-old Taralyn.

She sucks at lying.


Her mother goes all out for her, but her results are less than the "110%" she aims for. Case in point, the fake tan she got for Taralyn, that made her look like she had vitiligo.

And the fake teeth ("flippers") she got her that somehow made her look like she can't read.

Oh, wait, she's four. She actually can't read. It's hard to remember that these kids aren't adults, they just play ones on the weekends in Ramada conference rooms.

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But despite her beauty malfunctions and this little fuck up...


...Taralyn won the top title!




The shape of her crown suggests that one could easily drape a sheet over her and cut out some eye holes.




Grand Supreme Wizard, Little Miss division.

When I was looking for pictures of KKK robes, I found this:

It would seem that putting children in ridiculous costumes and making them do shit they don't want to do is somewhat of a tradition for some Southerners.