Valentine's Day is just 8 days away and advertising for the "holiday" has begun in earnest. One of our "faves": the spot at left, which, we suspect, is from the people who brought us Pajama-Grams.

One question: At what age is a female homosapien not reduced to squeals and pouty-pouts upon spotting a stuffed animal? I'm not ragging on toys for adults - I have a plush teddy bear, wombat, Newfoundland, and kookaburra in the corner of my bedroom - I'm just wondering at what age these sorts of stuffed animal-related behaviors die out. (Related question: Do adult females even want a teddy bear for Valentine's Day? And, for that matter, who among us doesn't already have one somewhere?)

Okay, let's break down this ad:

What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

I appreciate that the mailroom guy in this advertisement - unlike the mailroom guy in this advertisement - is Caucasian. For a commercial devoted to stupid stereotypes about stupid shit, the teddy bear people pushed the envelope with this one.


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

Here's the lucky lady. As Sadie would say, this outfit is not office-appropriate. Not only that, but, judging from the young woman in the background, there are entirely too many tacky, colorful knit tops to go around.


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

A dick in a box!


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

Sourpuss here is so over Account Services...


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

...But then! (Question: Is it illegal to perform sex acts on stuffed animals?)


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

I'm sensing that there is a subtext of gingism in this advertisement.


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

This one could use an acting coach. He takes his sunglasses off of his forehead in order to get a better look.


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

My favorite part: The periscoping pates of male-pattern baldness as the busty babes ooh and aah. And the clueless, cool guy in the background.


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

Another angle.


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

Vermont Teddy Bears are not only made in Vermont (???), their orders are taken by bona fide Green Mountain chat line cuties!


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

Gross.


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

Double gross.


What Do Women Want For Valentine's Day?

For those ladies who don't get a teddy bear next Saturday, just remember this: Would you really want the option of having to choose between cuddling a hirsute George Costanza or Jerry Seinfeld on steroids?












Earlier: PajamaGrams: "The One Gift Guaranteed To Get Women To Take Their Clothes Off!"