President Obama's got a brand new stimulus plan that Republicans plan to mess up, Sarah Palin is steamed at Ashley Judd, and everyone - including me - wants everyone else to STFU already.

Barack Obama has finally found a way to keep down the ever-increasing costs of the stimulus and bail-out bill: he's decided that any bank that takes significant bail-out money from now on will have to agree to salary caps for top executives. I mean, it'll be hard for these guys to buy new planes or the naming rights for stadiums, pay themselves millions in bonuses or redecorate their offices with carpets that cost nearly twice the median household income in America ($47,000, by the way) without the government giving them the money to do so, but that's what they have layoffs for, so it's cool! Joking aside, although even Donald Trump thinks that salary caps are cool, it doesn't mean that Obama isn't losing the stimulus messaging war in which Republicans bitch and moan about $300 million in contraception funding while sticking in $19 billion for anyone wealthy enough to buy a house this year and defunding health care provisions for the almost-retired and unemployed. Nominate one to, say, run the Commerce Department — where economic stimulus is job 1 — and they still won't vote for the damn bill. But, hey, maybe if you nominate one to replace Tom Daschle at HHS, then they will.

Anyway, in totally important news, Sarah Palin is mad at Ashley Judd for "misrepresenting" aerial wolf-hunting, but she's not mad that Bill Clinton called her to sympathize over the fake stories that she didn't give birth to Trig. In other news of people who could really shut the fuck up now, Dick Cheney says the tur'rists are comin'; Democratic House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charlie Rangel says he didn't really mean to cheat on his taxes or fudge his required financial disclosures; Republicans are blocking Hilda Solis' confirmation hearing and eventual confirmation because over unions' agitating for unionizing. Oh, and Joe the Motherfucking Plumber isn't sure that we deserve his political wisdom more than his son deserves daddy time, so on behalf of all undeserving Americans, Joe, shut the fuck up.

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