Joe Biden Names The Puppy, And Rahm Emanuel Cleans Up His Language

In the last hours of 2008, Moe Tkacik and I don't plan on cleaning up our acts, so we talk puppies, swearing, segregationists, Blagojevich-y gifts that keep on giving and the Obama's moving day.

MOE: Hi, finally got on.

MEGAN: Cool. I have been reading the news, by which I mean watching Morning Joe drinking coffee that my friend brought me again this morning because he remains awesome and responding to Facebook friend requests. Which means I am crazy well prepared and slightly hungover, so we're very old school this morning. But, hey, the Obamas are moving this weekend despite the fact that the Bushes have filled Blair House with their donors until practically the inauguration and thus wouldn't let the Obamas move in until the 15th of January, the girls' schooling be damned.

MOE: Yeah, god, that whole controversy, what the fuck. This is one of those things you don't really have to care about when you're no longer blogging. But why is Bush so committed to sucking. A legacy of suck. Sigh. Whatever. I hate everything. Good morning.

MEGAN: He's committed to sucking because he wants a legacy and that's about the only one he's going to get, so he's just going for it. He should have just taken a page from Blago's Senate pick, Roland Burris and erected a monument to himself. It's not like the Mall isn't already fucked by the addition of the shitty Stalinesque World War II memorial, which should really just be torn down, Tom Hanks be damned. But Burris' monument to himself probably doesn't mention all the money he obviously raised for Blagojevich or his work lobbying Blagojevich personally that resulted in thousands of more dollars in campaign donations and contracts steered to his clients. Nope, nothing to see here. There's no taint on Roland.

MOE: Does anyone know what hotel the Obamas are staying in? Because this one night I went out with Angie and Liz Glover, and the next morning for some reason I woke up in a hotel, and I'd like to recommend that one. It's next to an ATM machine so if the ATM doesn't work and your cab driver is threatening to just leave you there on the side of the road, you can say "Fuck you then, discriminator against drunk people, I'm staying in the fine Americana Motel, where they still use real keys." They have free copies of the Wall Street Journal and the Financial Times.

MEGAN: Dude, I have no idea how you ended up in Crystal City but you made a fine choice, I think. That's where my parents stayed for years when I had roommates and they didn't usurp my bed. And the drug deals have totally moved down the road closer to the strip club. My guess on the Obamas is the Hay Adams or the Madison. The Hay Adams has the best bacon (my reason for choosing a hotel, obviously) and is closest to the White House, but there is better egress at the Madison. Pre-Spitzer, the Mayflower probably would have been on the list and you know they are pissed about that shit.

MOE: Sorry I am being distracted over IM by someone who does not want to be blogged about but insists on IMing me right now. OH WELL.

MEGAN: Yeah, that always works out well for people around me, too. If you don't want to be blogged about... You should probably just ask me nicely, give me a really good reason, refrain from pissing me off and pretend like something isn't about you even when it obviously is.

MOE: Dude we should sew that on pillows.

MEGAN: I tried, I'm really crap at embroidery, it ended up all cut off and crooked and shit. Hey, by the way, Illinois Congressman Bobby Rush — who, it should also be noted, was one of the biggest advocates of putting convicted bribe-taker-turned Congressman Alcee Hastings atop the Intelligence Committee because of his race — called Harry Reid and all the rest of the Senate Dems "segregationists" this morning for refusing to seat Roland Burris in the Senate. I wonder how much money he gave to Blago's campaign coffers and what he got in return. But, hey! Joe Biden's granddaughters named the puppy Champ. So we don't have to talk about anything else ever again.

MOE: Oh, Goddamn, okay, I lost my box, ha ha. I was going to direct your attention to a fascinating H'aaretz or however you write it interview with Ehud Barak from a few weeks before he started dropping bombs. Then my browser crashed. Vicky Iseman is suing the Times for seventeen million dollars, why now. There's a front-page Journal piece on Colombian president Uribe that's also interesting. True fact: Nina Garcia offered to get me in touch with Uribe if I wanted more information on FARC. In any case, all this stuff is gone now because of my browser crash, and we still haven't discussed Blago or Barack the Magic Negro, which I guess are the memes of right now. So, your pick, choose a topic, any one. Typing as fast as I can.

MEGAN: Vicki Iseman is suing now because the campaign is over and she didn't sue before to avoid bringing more attention to the story. I choo-choo-choose Blago because Barack the Magic Negro is sooooo 2008 and it's nearly 2009 but Blago is the gift that will keep on giving for the new year.

MOE: Confession: the only Blago story I've read in its entirety is Robin Givhan's hairpiece (heh)... "foppish" ... otherwise I was like, ha ha, everyone thinks Chicago is so crooked now, the stories I could tell them about Philadelphia. So anyway, Roland Burris, Bobby Rush, people not named "Limbaugh" should stop having "Rush" in their names bc it's really fucking confusing.

MEGAN: Bobby Rush also probably needs to shut his yap about Burris before people start wondering why it's so damn important to him. Also, Rahm Emanuel sent him a personal note with his official resignation and the media thinks it's strange because unless Rahm actually says "fuck you" they don't recognize it.

"As sons of immigrants to this country, you and I have a deep appreciation for the opportunities America provides to those who are willing to work hard and sacrifice for their children," Emanuel wrote.

That's how Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel tells someone "go fuck yourself" these days. He's reforming!

MOE: Yeah, he says goodbye "Fuck you, I love you," right? I was telling my sister how cute I thought that was and she was like "gay" and I was like "No, Israeli" but ha ha ha not so funny right now. "Fuck you I love you" however should be the new Insh'allah.

MEGAN: Fuck you, I love you. I gotta post this shit.

Send an email to Megan Carpentier, the author of this post, at askalobbyist@gmail.com.

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