In the midst of the hour, Time (unsurprisingly) announced that Barack Obama was its Person of the Year. Ana Marie Cox and I aren't mad, though, we swear!
ANA MARIE: Hi! Pretend confrontational interview with Ax on Morning Joe (yes, i'm watching). Joe thinks he's the only person in the world who understands the depth of the Obama-Blago relationship
MEGAN: More confrontation than Frank Gaffney and Chris Matthews last night? Because that was sort of awesome.
ANA MARIE: Oh I missed that! And I said, "pretend confrontational." Pretend mostly because I don't think Axelrod DOES "confrontational." You can't confront the Stay-Puft marshmallow man
MEGAN: Joe understands a lot about the depth of relationship that can develop between two men, especially when one of them has feathered hair.
ANA MARIE: I'm sad that Blago broke when it did because I want an excuse to wear that hair and I think Halloween is the only appropriate time.
MEGAN: It's really not Christmas Mass hair, I agree.
ANA MARIE: It IS "mass hair," however. I'm looking over this Alec Baldwin piece, btw. Now, that's a blogger! Sarcasm, relentlessly personal, all that's missing is Caturday.
MEGAN: Oh, poor Alex! People are mean to him because he doesn't like Caroline Kennedy.
ANA MARIE: All the exclamation points!
MEGAN: Alex Baldwin speaks exclusively in exclamation points.
ANA MARIE: So I guess all it takes for a member of a political dynasty to become a senator is to simply imply interest. Or maybe that's the definition of dynasty! Hillary Clinton so pissed that one spouse in office doesn't equal dynasty. Though she has been classy about it. Just staying the fuck out of the way, I mean. OMG BARACK OBAMA PERSON OF THE YEAR KNOCK ME OVER WITH A FEATHER. I love that even Meredith Vieira couldn't restrain her lack of surprise on the Today show when Rick Stengel came on to announce.
MEGAN: Yeah, it's quite surprising.
ANA MARIE: POY may have jumped the shark with you and I winning a couple of years ago, but I think now they should retire it because, I mean seriously, they're just going to keep giving it to him.
MEGAN: I think they jumped the shark years ago when they stopped giving it to people.
ANA MARIE: And instead to abstract ideas?
MEGAN: Exactly. Since when is an abstract idea a person?
ANA MARIE: Speaking of which I was hoping that they'd give it to "collateralized debt obligations"! That would be sexy hot.
MEGAN: Those have done more to American than Barack Obama. He's just the first African-American to be elected President. Collateralized debt obligations caused a recession, a housing crisis and, potentially, the bankruptcy of the American automakers.
ANA MARIE: And, you know, helped get Barack Obama elected!
ANA MARIE: I think Vilsack is happy to get a ticket out of Iowa. Salazar we heart because he once called James Dobson the anti-Christ but he's not super, like, enviro-guy.
MEGAN: Well, it is Interior. He's gotta be better than anyone up in there right now.
ANA MARIE: He doesn't, like, throw Big Mac wrappers out of his SUV while driving over endangered owls for fun or anything. I don't think.
MEGAN: Side note: I irrationally hate anyone who litters. It drives me apeshit.
ANA MARIE: As we know, in any case, the current Interior Department has/had a much more interesting idea of "fun!"
MEGAN: Well, drug use and boning for the employees, shooting and snowmobiling for the peons!
ANA MARIE: Snow-MACHINING. Though, seriously, I'm glad I did not have to rape the English language by having to use that term like we'd have to if Sarah Palin was in the White House.
MEGAN: By the way, as this is possibly the most important inaugural news, last call during the inauguration will be 4 am, but restaurants can serve all night.
ANA MARIE: THEY ROLLED IT BACK FROM FIVE????? On MS just now? The newsreader teased, "AND Person of the Year... it's no big shocker, but we'll show it to ya." And yes, I'm excited about the late night binge drinking. Though I think I'm just going to barricade myself in the house for the week.
MEGAN: I am incredibly tempted to barricade myself, although I'm thankful it's only 3 days instead of 4 or 5.
ANA MARIE: Small favors. It's going to be insane. I signed up for "alerts" on the change.gov website yesterday and it took like 15 minutes for the page to load. And I think a 15-to-1 increase in wait time seems about right for basically every activity that happens during those days.
MEGAN: I think insane is going to be an understatement. Cell phones aren't going to work, people are going to be packed into the Mall like sardines, and no one's going to be able to see anything. Plus it's going to be fucking cold.
ANA MARIE: And I am really worried about the Porta Potty situation.
MEGAN: Bring your own bucket, people!
ANA MARIE: On visitors' behalf. Like I said, I'll be locked inside. With a flush toilet.
MEGAN: You know they aren't getting cleaned out on Monday because it's a holiday, so it'll be a whole weekend's worth of tourist shit. It's not going to be pleasant.
ANA MARIE: Okay, we need a unicorn chaser.
MEGAN: How about more Charlie Rangel shadiness?
ANA MARIE: That's just a sleazy fat man chaser. Might as well just contemplate Blago's brush.
MEGAN: See, that's interesting, because given the feathering, I would have guessed horse hair for his brush.
ANA MARIE: It's not the tools, it's the carpenter. And on that note....
MEGAN: I mean, how long do you think he spends doing his hair? Longer than me, certainly. I assume longer than you even.
ANA MARIE: Have you seen my hair? Yeah, he takes longer.
MEGAN: Your hair is cute, though. So, I think we can agree that Blago overthinks his hair.
ANA MARIE: Oh, and here's the right note end on. Now THAT is a unicorn chaser.