Writer Susan Cheever Wonders Where All The Drunks Went

Novelist and reformed alcoholic Susan Cheever is sad her friends don't get publicly shitcanned anymore, because now she can't feel superior to them.

Cheever writes on the New York Times' website that people in New York are drinking less, and she bases this conclusion on the anecdotal evidence that those in her circle are drinking less. Two things about that: Susan, honey, you're 65 years old. Perhaps part of the reason your friends drink less now is that they can't stomach it anymore! But, she takes this opportunity to say that she misses when her buddies used to get fall down drunk because "For us sober people there is a kind of drunkenfreude to watching others embarrass themselves, mangle their words and do things they will regret in the morning — if they even remember them in the morning."

Cheever gleefully describes a friend tottering around at a party a decade ago.

As dessert ended, the woman in the red dress got up and stumbled toward the bathroom… As coffee splashed into porcelain demitasse cups, the woman in the red dress returned, sank sloppily into her chair and reached for the Courvoisier. Someone gently moved the bottle away. “Are you shaying I’m drunk?” she demanded. Even in the candlelight I noticed that the lipstick she had reapplied was slightly to the left of her lips

Would this friend have described herself as merely "tipsy"? Maybe, because according to a new report, women use euphemisms to describe their excessive drinking, and those euphemisms can lead them to underestimate their intake. According to the Telegraph, "Men used more forceful words, like 'hammered' and 'wasted'. The researchers found that when women described an evening's drinking as getting 'tipsy' they were talking about consuming four drinks over two hours which is actually classed as a binge for females."

Moral of these two stories? Beware of getting tipsy, ladies, or your abstemious friends will feel smugly superior. Happy holidays!

Drunkenfreude [NY Times]
'Tipsy' Women Have Drunk More Than They Realise [Telegraph]

Earlier: 'Writer Spawn Susan Cheever's Issues Have Issues