Are you a struggling, out of work writer? Perhaps you'd have more luck selling that screenplay if you were an adorable 9-year-old boy dishing out dating advice. That's right, Twentieth Century Fox has optioned How To Talk To Girls, the playground-researched tome by pre-tween Alec Greven.
Girls is the first of what will be a series of four books by Greven, ostensibly on the subject of conversing with the ladies. You may be wondering: who's actually buying this thing? Unsurprisingly, Time says it's not really helpful when talking to grown up girls; the magazine does say, however, that the book "makes for a good gag gift. Have a permanently single male friend? Want to creep out strangers by reading it alone at a bar? Self-help books written by 9-year-olds provide endless opportunities for awkward, uncomfortable amusement."
And apparently, people love awkward uncomfortable amusement: Girls is ranked #103 in books on Amazon. Here are some excerpts (courtesy of Time) from Greven's masterpiece so that you'll know if this gag gift is appropriate for the men in your life:
On relationships: "Sometimes, you get a girl to like you, then she ditches you. Life is hard, move on! Or sometimes it just doesn't work out. I had a crush on a girl in preschool. Then my family had to move, so I had to let her wash out of my mind."
On having a crush: "Many boys get crushes on girls. But it can be very hard to get a girl to like you. Sometimes it takes years! Whatever happens, just don't act desperate. Girls don't like desperate boys. So what do you do if you have a crush on a girl? You need to get her to like you. You can also show off a skill, like playing soccer or anything else you're good at. If you are in elementary school, try to get a girl to like you, not to love you. Wait until middle school to try to get her to love you. Otherwise, you have to hold on to her for a long time and that would be very hard. Tip: Most boys in elementary school can hold on to a girl for only 30 days."
On gifts: "It is also good to give gifts. They don't have to be big. Try to find out what she likes before you give her something. You should go around to her friends to get ideas. And I wouldn't do flowers and gifts until you are older, like in middle school, because it seems weird in elementary school. Unless you go to a school dance."