Is Barack Obama a Nate, a Dan, a Chuck, a Serena, or a Blair? Barack Obama. First of all he’s adorable. You know his older daughter’s friends all have crushes on him, as do his wife Michelle’s friends. Okay, as do I. Actually, I have this little fantasy where Barack I go to Barneys and right away he’s mobbed by the gay men in Cosmetics so he’s wearing Carolina Herrera cologne and a Kiehls cucumber eye masque. He buys me a sweet little gold Me and Ro bracelet before we head into the men’s department to get him a new suit. Of course he already knows he looks best in dark gray and he picks out a pink shirt which make me love him even more and then he picks out the most unboring pair of shoes they have because his taste is impeccable and oh where did they find this guy because he’s just… perfect!Okay, it's not exactly the hard hitting political discourse we were looking for, but I'll take what I can get. MEGAN: I do feel her on the shoes thing, a man in ugly shoes is soooo Washington. This is my favorite line, though, and a reason to watch Gossip Girl if I ever heard one:
Wily, conniving, backstabbing, flamboyantly dressed Chuck. No way is Barack Obama a Chuck. Chuck would eat him for breakfast and spit him out into one of those monogrammed scarves he wears all the time.LATOYA: Chuck is obviously a lobbyist. No offense, friend. You're a fly lobbist, you don't count. And you weren't there long enough to sell your soul. MEGAN: Oooh, good call. And no offense taken, though I didn't have monogrammed scarves. I did indulge my shoe obsessions more. LATOYA: But you know people that did. And those annoying ass monogrammed Brooks Brothers bags. MEGAN: Nothing says "dirty unsexy money" like monogrammed cuffs, veneers and a tie tack. And expensive but ugly shoes. LATOYA: Word! Speaking of conspicuous consumption, looks like Sarah Palin is going to revitalize the economy all by herself! The RNC has spent $150K for clothes and accessories since she started on the campaign trail, about 75K at Neiman Marcus. I guess the Joe Sixpack revolution will be accessorized. MEGAN: I only ever knew one person who shopped regularly at Needless Markup, and that was my superrich frosh roommate, who also refused to ever clean because she had "people" to do that for her at home. I was supposed to be her "people," apparently, but I don't mind squalor and am extremely stubborn. LATOYA: I tried to shop there once. That shit did not work out. MEGAN: She also spent $10,000 at Macy's in Minneapolis, and probably got the same number of pieces as she did for $74K at Needless Markup. LATOYA: I kept doing the stupid "how many hours worked" calculation in my head, which totally killed the mood. MEGAN: Palin spent $800 at Barneys, which totally bought her exactly one item. LATOYA: Well, in her defense, she does look damn sharp. MEGAN: I know! I have been hating myself for loving her suits lately. But I have also, in my head, been going "That is not Kasper. That is not Tahari. That is not Anne Klein." (Yes, when I used to leave the house, I used to shop for suits a lot.) LATOYA: I will give Sarah Palin exactly one prop — half a prop for fabulous sartorial skills and a half a prop for using the word "shout out" in a debate. If she drops a "bitch, please" before the election cycle is over, I'll upgrade her to two props. Oh, you wore suits? I guess that's the benefit for being a non government worker in a gov town — I spend money on dress hoodies. Ah, websites... MEGAN: At this point, if she drops a "damn" I'll be happy. That's how you know her line about not being a Washington insider is true, because everyone here curses like a motherfucker. LATOYA: You would too, if you saw what we did. Aw man — think good, happy hour thoughts. More news on the bear. Apparently, it was just a prank:
Officials say the students discovered the cub, which had been shot in the head, while camping over the weekend and brought it back to a gathering at an apartment near campus Sunday night. It was during that gathering, say officials, that a student suggested placing the bear at the base of a statue at the main entrance to the campus.MEGAN: Um, ew. Also, um, ew. LATOYA: They used the campaign signs to keep the blood from spilling into their truck. MEGAN: Yeah, that's the part that made me shudder. That and the fact THAT IT WAS A LONG DEAD BEAR. Does not compute. Either the bear was long-dead when they found it, which is like, ew, or it wasn't AND HENCE THE BLOOD and they killed it. It's just too bad that even if they are charged with a felony, they won't be convicted in time to lose their right to vote for McCain. LATOYA: Just disgusting. It's times like this when I understand PETA, as racist and sexist as they can be with their campaigns. MEGAN: I don't understand how dumping dead animals — let alone dead baby animals that you and your big boy gun in your big-boy britches so valiantly slaughtered — is a fun "prank." I get equal revulsion, though, when shitty asswipes like noted dirty rim-jobber Michael Savage accuse white Obama voters of being race traitors. I mean, why doesn't he just come out and call us n*****-lovers and be done with it? It wouldn't be my first time hearing that, and GOD KNOWS it wouldn't be his first time using that word. LATOYA: Oh — I guess y'all don't have reasoning skills either. So only certain less pigmented people have reasoning skills? These circles are getting smaller and smaller. MEGAN: Well, we don't have reasoning skills because we haven't noticed that we are obviously locked in a war with people of color for hegemony or something. Also, none of y'all really like us anyway.
...it seems to Michael Savage that the only people who don't seem to vote based on race are white people of European origin. That's an interesting observation… So my biggest statement is about Powell, which is that the only people who don't seem to vote based on race are white people of European origin. And, you know, that becomes a philosophical question worth talking about. Why are white people of European origin the only people who don't seem to vote based on race? Is it because they're more tolerant? Is it because whites of European origin are more accepting and more tolerant of other races? I wonder if they're gonna be that way once they find out that not all — let's say, not all people love them as much as they may think.Also, I hate people WHO refer to themselves in the third person, even if they aren't filthy racist bastards who suck the dirty balls of fetid white drug addicts while furiously whaling away at their own child-sized penises for sexual gratification. That's right, Michael Savage. I've seen you in the alleys off of Dupont Circle. I'm not going to keep quiet anymore. LATOYA: I swear — I am so done with this damn election cycle and race. Yesterday, I find out that a former KKK member thinks Obama is "a potentially acceptable candidate" and urges people to look beyond skin color. And yet, someone writing for the National Review is still convinced we blacks just stick together, no matter what. She read Vibe, Black Enterprise, and Ebony, and that is definitive proof that blacks are only for Obama and don't know jack about the issues. MEGAN: I would suggest that KatLo is not a regular reader of any of those magazines and only picked them up so that she could find something to put in her impassioned defense of Rush Limbaugh and also call all black people racists. LATOYA: And she had the nerve to hail Ward Connerly and John McCain as civil rights leaders. Makes me want to smack someone through a computer screen. MEGAN: But, Latoya, someone has to stand up for the rights of white people to never attend schools with people of color! It's a principle on which this country was founded! Brown v. the Board of Education didn't really overturn Plessy v. Ferguson, it just found that said facilities provided weren't equal. Strict constitutionalism! Um, I'm trying but failing to come up with other annoying Republican catch phrases that fit. Oh, wait! He's a MAVERICK that wants to shake up the entrenched system! LATOYA: By denying MLK a holiday. MEGAN: What did he ever do, anyway? LBJ signed the Civil Rights Act. It took a white President to give black people their freedom and he doesn't get a holiday. LATOYA: That's because he's a race traitor. MEGAN: Yes, we must both henceforth swear fealty to our differing melanin levels. LATOYA: Man, this K. Lo person is annoying. It's obvious she didn't bother to talk to any actual black people before writing that mess. John Ridley already broke this down on the HuffPo:
Conservatives may argue that, well, none of those candidates was even worth Powell's attention. But if Powell is — if blacks are — just going to vote for a "darkie," then won't any "darkie" do? None carried the black vote to any significance. Certainly not Keyes. Not Wilder and Braun, arguably the most qualified candidates at that time. Jackson had some strong showings, but could not come close to closing the deal. And what about Sharpton? Shouldn't he be the closest comparison to Obama in terms of blacks just "giving him" their votes? Sharpton, too, gives a good speech and he ran most recently. In 2004, in the District of Columbia primary, Sharpton came in second to Howard Dean. D.C. at the time was 70 percent minority. Sixty percent black. Yet the minorities and the blacks "gave" their votes to Dean. In South Carolina, only one in five blacks voted for Sharpton. Clearly — more important, factually — most blacks don't vote for blacks just because they are black.Yeah, but don't let facts get in the way, K.Lo. MEGAN: Oh, "facts." Those are biased. LATOYA: Seriously — like I said yesterday, it's only unfair when you're losing.