Today's combatants are sort of hybrid ladymags — sure, they have fashion spreads, but they also have sex tips, and tales of woe from around the globe. Though thought-provoking pieces like "I took my friend's Xanax" (Marie Claire) and "Are You Normal About Your Hair?" (Glamour) do eat up some precious pages, there's still plenty of room for expensive shit. This smackdown's winner has a surprising handicap — find out more after the jump.

Marie Claire

Apparel: $187,881 (most expensive item: Emilio Pucci coat, $6450; least expensive: Hue tights $12.50; average price: $916)

Accessories: $265,283 (most expensive item: Burberry Prorsum alligator bag, $23,000; least expensive: Old Navy shoes, $19.50; average price: $1,074)

Beauty: $1,065 (most expensive item: Derek Lam for Kiehl's travel kit, $225; least expensive item: Sunsilk Captivating Curls Scrunching Mousse, $3.69; average price: $43)

Other: $5,294 (most expensive item: Louis Vuitton Monogram Vernis Pegase 50 [in layman's terms: a suitcase], $2,300; least expensive: Esteban Paris Vacuum Powder, $13.50 [Marie Claire calls this "carpet sweetener." I think this joke makes itself.] ; average price: $230)

Total Shit: $452,501
Average: $905

Glamour

Apparel: $761,928 (most expensive item: Michael Kors Furs coat, $15,000; least expensive: Bitten Sarah Jessica Parker cropped jacket, $15; average price: $7,256)

Accessories: $184,131 (most expensive item: Renee Lewis earrings, $19,000; Goody Modern Art Barrettes in Gold Rush, $4; average price: $1,334)

Beauty: $2,194 (most expensive item: Bespoke Featherweight Dryer, $200; least expensive item: Johnson's baby lotion, $2; average price: $26)

[Glamour had no "other" items.]

Total Shit: $948,253
Average: $2,909

Marie Claire makes a fine showing here, but Glamour comes out way ahead, even with no carpet sweeteners or expensive suitcases. With nothing in the "other" category, its win is even more impressive — like knocking out your opponent with one hand tied behind your back.

Winner: Glamour

Send an email to Anna North, the author of this post, at annanorth@jezebel.com.